Totally untrue. Wasn’t it?
And what would these lovely readers with their inquisitive, anticipatory faces think if they only knew about some of the situations Sam had left to hop onto a stage, sometimes only hours before? For a second Sam saw her fist knocking on a plywood door,Are you in there?, turning theknob, surprised it was unlocked, the beige carpet. The dark Rorschach on it. How it was soaked in blood. How Sam hadn’t known until then how overpowering blood could smell.
“And now, all the way from Boston,” Monica was saying, “please help me welcome Sam Vetiver!” and Sam stepped up to the mic.
Chapter 2
A Waste of a Bed
After the event Sam drove back to her hotel and ordered a room service cheeseburger, then stripped off the red jumpsuit and sat on the bed in her Spanx. It was such a nice big bed, a California King with crisp sheets smelling of bleach and all those extra pillows, and it was such a waste. Sam thought this whenever she stepped into a hotel room with her rollaway. Back in the day, she and her ex-husband, Hank, had despoiled many a hotel bed, but that was before Hank went to rehab. Once that happened, they pretty much had not gone anywhere at all.
As she waited for her dinner, Sam embarked upon her second job of the evening: social media. She posted her selfie with the illuminated library sign across all platforms, adding:TheSodbustertour has reached the end of the trail! Thank you to everyone who came out to hear me read. Next novel underway... stay tuned!She added book and heart emojis, tagged the library, her literary agency, and her publisher, and signed out.
She checked her texts: a couple from unknown numbers that were political or dating app candidates; one from her best friend and codependency sponsor Drishti.
u done????
Hey D! Yep, the tour is officially over.
The three dots rippled, and Drishti wrote:
congratz kid!!!! How do u feel????
Okay. Not **100%** looking forward to going home and getting back in the chair.
well but thats ur job!!!!! dont u have a contract????
Can’t hear you, going into the tunnel, Sam wrote.
Drishti sent three rolling-on-the-floor-laughing emojis.
how r u celebrating?????
Doing some coke and going clubbing, by which I mean having a cheeseburger and faceplanting.
u wilding
Unless you want to say hi?Sam suggested hopefully.
Cant, kiddo, on shift. But c u manana at group????
Wouldn’t miss it.
kk text me when u get home!!!!!! & congratz again!!!!
Sam tried her mom, Jill, next. This was probably a fruitless endeavor, since Jill was on a cruise with her brand-new sixth husband. Jill was pretty much permanently on a cruise. But she was the only mother Sam had.
Hi Mom! I don’t know where in the world you are, but I just wanted to let you know, theSodbustertour is done. Flying home tomorrow to start Novel 5. Wish me luck!
Sam waited, scrolling her email in the meantime. Three blurb requests; a workshop student submitting his novel pages; an email from her agent with a command in the header:CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME,ROAD WARRIOR!; a promotion promising to increase Sam’s book salesby up to 400%!—the literary equivalent of a penis extender. Finally the three dots rippled, and Sam’s mom sent her usual string of nonsensical yet sinister emojis: a penguin head, the ladder, and a hole. Jill had never quite gotten the hang of texting.
“Who knew there even was a hole emoji,” Sam muttered.
Her cheeseburger arrived and she ate it with gusto, swiping through her dating apps with considerably less enthusiasm. She did this twice a day, a necessary evil like brushing her teeth. Sam had been married for fifteen years, divorced for one, and in that time it had apparently become all but impossible to meet somebody in a human, organic, rom-com way like a blind date, or bumping heads when you both reached for an apple rolling down the street. Sam worked from home, and her publishing colleagues were, like her readers, 98percent women and 2percent men who tended to play for the other team. Unless Sam wanted to wait for a sexy, hyperliterate window-washer to come crashing into her living room, she had to swipe.
Hi cutie nice Smile!!!!!! Wanna chat?
I see your a writer thats cool! What do you write?
