I check my phone for what feels like the millionth time. Nothing. I tried searching them online, but neither Axel nor Nik has posted anything for three years. Even Johnny’s social media profiles were equally empty. It’s like they all vanished when I did.
A girl exits the building in front of me with a cup of coffee and a pastry. My stomach growls on cue. The beige brick building is the student center, and based on the steady stream of people leaving with snacks and caffeine, there must be a coffee shop inside.
I debate whether I can risk stepping away. Just ten minutes. Surely they won’t stroll by the second I’m gone... right?
Decision made, I stretch my stiff legs and duck inside.
∞∞∞
Over an hour later, I’m buzzing from a too-large iced coffee and regretting the slab of chocolate cake I inhaled. My stomach hates me. My nerves hate me. And after sitting out here most of the day, my hope is circling down the drain.
The school day is winding down. A few students pass with books in hand, heading to late classes, but the foot traffic has thinned. Realistically, if Axel or Nik were here today, I probably would’ve seen them already.
I tell myself it’s fine. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Maybe they’re on a block schedule with only Tuesday/Thursday classes. I can try again tomorrow.
With a sigh, I gather my things and walk the few blocks to the nearby hotel where I parked this morning. I book a room for the night, then return to my car to grab my overnight bag. I didn’t bring much; I wasn’t exactly planning a vacation. More like an emotional stakeout with a side of existential dread. The goal is simple: see them, confirm they’re alive, then go back to my dingy Atlanta apartment.
Big city life makes me feel more anonymous and invisible, but it’s expensive. My neighborhood is rough, and I’m pretty sure my neighbor is a drug dealer. But that’s not my business.
Right now, all I want is a hot shower. I feel grimy after four hours of driving and five more sitting on a bench. The things we do for love. Or... like. Or whatever this is. It’s not like I’m in love with Axel or Nik.
But if staking out a campus for days on end just to catch a glimpse of them means nothing?
Yeah. I’m screwed.
∞∞∞
The next day, I’m back in my stakeout spot, but this time, I came prepared. Snacks, drinks, a book, all tucked into a backpack so I blend in better. I’m in fresh clothes, and my hair is pulled back under my navy baseball cap, no logo this time. I learned that lesson the hard way. Thanks, Joe.
Sitting here, people-watching, being on a campus again... it stings more than I expected. I miss UGA. I loved it the minute I stepped foot there. I imagined staying, even after graduation. Maybe working on campus, building some sort of life. But that future vanished the second Joe found me again. That’s the thing about trauma… you can pretend to have moved on, but it always pulls you back under.
The resentment rises sharp and fast, but I force myself to shove it back down. No use spiraling. Not here. Not now.
Two hours in, I’m zoning out, lost in my own head. Everyone starts to blur—faces, voices, movement—until suddenly... they don’t.
I sit upright, heart thudding.
Oh shit. It’s them!
My book snaps shut as I grab my bag and scramble off the bench, instincts firing on pure adrenaline. They’re heading this way, so I do the mature thing, of course, and duck behind a line of tall bushes. From here, I can see through the sparse branches, but there’s no way they’ll spot me. My pulse races as I crouch low, peeking through.
And there they are.
God, they look good.
Axel’s hair is longer now, a little wild, curling around his ears. His skin looks sun-warmed, and there’s a beard. A beard! I take it all in shamelessly. Then my gaze shifts to Nik. He looks almost the same with short blonde hair, clean-shaven face, lean body… still devastatingly handsome. He laughs at something Axel says, the sound light and real. They’re holding hands.
That sight alone punches me right in the heart. The love between them is so obvious. They’re unapologetic. Open. It’s everything I wanted for them.
They stop in front of the student center, standing close, almost like they’re waiting for someone. And sure enough, moments later, a girl comes bouncing down the steps.
She launches herself into Axel’s arms, kissing him. Then turns to do the same to Nik.
And just like that, my heart shatters.
I can’t stop comparing her and me. The thoughts are automatic and ugly. Her hair is nearly white-blonde, straight andsleek. Her body? Petite and athletic. Tinier than I could ever be. Where I’m soft curves and bruised edges, she looks pristine. And even worse? She looks happy. Like someone who’s never had to rebuild herself from the ground up. I remind myself that internal struggles don’t show on the outside. I know that. I just wish it helped.
Watching their easy affection rips something loose in me. I wanted to know if they were okay. Now I know. Too bad it’s not what I wanted to see. Part of me stupidly hoped that they missed me. That maybe, they struggled too. But the truth is clear: they moved on. They’ve built a life together and found new happiness.
