I decide to be as tactful as I can. “I think … the colors are a little too much for me. The patterns are garish, and I’m sorry Beth, I really, really …hate it.”Oh shit.I hadn’t meant that to come out. She said be honest, and it was actually easier than I thought it would be, but now I’m standing here watching her flat expression, and not really knowing what to say or do next.
Beth suddenly dissolves into hysterics, holding onto my shoulder for support as she roars with laughter. It’s contagious and I laugh with her. Before long we’re both holding our stomachs and wiping tears from our cheeks.
“You’re hired,” Beth says as she calms her giggles.
“What?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Arianna. Would you like a job?” she offers more seriously.
“You’re offering me a job?” I ask in disbelief. She nods. “Yes, I’d love a job!” I have no idea what job she is offering me. For all I know, it’s the job of errand girl or coffee maker, but I don’t care. I know I would love to work here.
“Good, I need a buyer, someone with class and style, but most importantly I need someone who isn’t going to blow smoke up my ass. If you don’t like the clothes, I want you to tell me. Got it?”
“A buyer?” Shit. I know what I like, and I have a pretty good understanding of the fashion world, but I don’t know if I’m good enough to make decisions like that. I have no experience and…
“Denham said you would do this.”
“Pardon me?” I question.
“He said you would, and I quote, ‘Talk to yourself in your head’. What are you worried about?”
“I … I’m not sure I’m experienced enough to be given such a responsibility.”
“He said you’d do that too…”
“Do what?” I question, slightly irritated at having to guess what she’s talking about.
“Put yourself down.”
“I—”
“Listen to me, Arianna. I won’t feed you any bullshit if you give me the same respect in return. Speak to me. I want your input. From here on in, you need to believe in yourself and trust your instincts, understand?” I nod. “Good girl.”
“Did Denham tell you to give me a job?” I query. As much as I think it would be a sweet gesture, I want to make my way on my own. I want to do it myself.
“There you go again, doubting your ability. He most certainly did not tell me to do anything. I wouldneverhire anyone on hissay-so, or anyone else’s for that matter. If you work here, you’ve earned it on merit alone. My instincts haven’t let me down yet and they’re telling me that you and I will get along just fine.”
She doesn’t look like the kind of person who would take an uncalculated risk. She takes no prisoners and makes no apologies for it, but I feel at ease with her. She’s similar to Denham—no pretense and no ulterior motive. What you see is what you get. It’s far easier to be yourself when you know you don’t need to change to please someone. If I had trusted my instincts up until now, I never would have married Aaron and I would have left Jonny long before things got really bad.
“But he did tell you about me?” I know I shouldn’t pry, but I can’t help it.
“Yes, we’re good friends. Denham has been there for me through some tough times. When he told me about this beautiful young woman he met, I just had to meet you. So, tell me…” Her voice softens as she brings her perfectly manicured hand up to touch my bruised cheek with her index finger. “Is he sorting this out?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Good. Denham King isn’t your average asshole, Arianna. He’s one of the good guys. Let yourself go, just a little bit. You’ll soon learn that he’ll always be there to catch you.” She smiles kindly and removes her hand. “Now, what do you say to coffee?” It breaks the intensity and I am so grateful. “And then it’s time for the fun part. We need to get you dressed for your new role.”
“I’d really love that, Beth.” I answer with genuine enthusiasm and awe for how this day is turning out.
After five hours at the boutique, I am loaded down with bags. Denham seems to be running late, so I decide to go back to the Kingdom alone. I have a problem accepting gifts; every gift I’ve ever received in the past has been tainted with guilt and used as a method of persuasion, or given as a gesture of apology.But Beth has told me that the bags are not full of gifts, and to consider it a uniform of sorts. Needless to say, I don’t think Beth has any other motive than to employ me and make me work my ass off. She has convinced me that I need to look good if I’m going to be working with her. Everything is starting to come together, like little pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
With the exception of a small corner of my heart that won’t let me forget the past.
That black thought drains any positivity I’ve gained throughout the day. How am I going to deal with this and move on? I can’t keep going back and forth in my mind. The directional changes have me feeling dizzy. I’ve grown to be a pro at detaching from reality, but if I retreat back into my own head it will be the end to all the new starts I’ve made. I want to feel the passion and desire I’ve recently discovered.
I want tofeel.
“Wait up!” A voice snaps me out of my daydream and I turn to find Lottie bouncing toward me. When she reaches me, she bends and puts her hands on her knees, panting for breath. “Are you deaf or something, woman? I’ve been calling you for a couple blocks!”
