Running.
Fighting.
Always looking over my shoulder and having to think before I speak for fear of revealing who I really am.
This is my life and I’m taking it back.
I dress, put on some makeup, and then pack up my things. After leaving the keys at the front desk, I head for my car. It’s crazy that my front seat is more comfortable than the bed I spent last night in; comfort really does come at a price.
When I turn on my cell, it’s flooded with incoming messages from Aaron.
His messages start off frantic when he’s realized I’ve packed up and gone. He’s obviously sorry, telling me to call and to let him know where I am, telling me how important I am to him, how he loves me. However, he doesn’t take long to change from worried, apologetic husband to angry and demanding.
When I’ve listened and deleted all of the voicemails and texts, I ring the one person I actually want to speak to, hoping that her number hasn’t changed in all the time that I’ve been gone.
My insides shake with anticipation and excitement as my fingers fumble with the numbers. The familiar warm voice answers on the other end of the line.
“Hello …”
I’m overwhelmed with emotion at hearing her voice. “Mom?” A sob rises up from my chest and escapes my mouth.
“Baby girl, is that you?” she asks in disbelief.
“Yes, Mom, it’s me…”
The floodgates open and we both sit there, on opposite ends of the line, crying tears of happiness at hearing each other’s voice. It doesn’t matter that I’ve spent most of my childhood looking after her, picking up the pieces after each failed marriage and being her strength when she was weak. It wasn’t until I had spent so long away from her, unable to contact her that I realized we had always been each other’s strength.
She’s the only family I have.
“Where are you, my girl? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, it’s just…I’ve missed you so much, Mom.”
“Darling, every day I’ve hoped you would call. I knew why you didn’t, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to hear your voice.”
“I would have called you sooner but…you know…” I’m so choked up I can hardly speak.
“I wished every day that you would.” Her voice hitches, full of emotion.
“Mom, please don’t get upset.”
“I’m sorry, darling, but not knowing if you were happy or even where you were…”
It was hard for me to be away from her with no contact and I’m just glad that she has her husband, Brent. I knew she was in safe hands with him. I killed me to think how she felt seeing her child go through all that, only to be left not knowing where or how I was.
“Well, there are few things that I need to get worked out, but it isn’t going to be like this for much longer, I promise you that.” I sound more determined now, even to my own ears.
“Why? What’s going on? Do you need my help? Is there anything I can do?” She speaks fast wanting to do something after feeling helpless for so long.
“I just need to know…have you seenhim?” I can’t even bring myself to say his name out loud. That name would feel like poison to my tongue.
“Jonny? No. He came to the house once after you left. He was angry, frantic, and he yelled…” her voice trails off.
“Mom?”
She sighs. “He beat Brent up. He thought we knew where you were.”
My stomach sinks. I didn’t think it would put them in that position. I didn’t think about anything. I just knew I needed to leave. “Oh god, Mom, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Was Brent okay?”
