"I know." His hands fell to his sides, and the defeat in his voice made my throat tighten. "You're right, of course. This was..."
"A mistake," I finished when he trailed off. "One we won't repeat."
But even as I said the words, I knew they were a lie. The taste of him lingered on my lips, and my body still hummed with the memory of his touch. Whatever was growing between us couldn't be dismissed so easily.
"We should go back," I said, reaching for the torch. "Before someone notices we're gone."
He nodded but made no move to follow as I started back down the passage. After a moment, I heard his footsteps behind me.
The walk back seemed longer, heavier with all the things we weren't saying. By the time we reached the main cavern, the silence between us felt like a physical weight.
Our sleeping bags were where we'd left them, our companions still sleeping. Nothing had changed, really. Except everything had.
I took off my ruined socks and slipped back into my bag without looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me as I turned away. Sleep would be even more impossible now, but I kept my breathing steady and even until I heard him settle into his bag.
Only then did I let myself touch my lips, still sensitive from his kiss.
In the morning, we would pretend this had never happened. We would go back to being just friends, nothing more.
But for now, in the darkness, I let myself remember the way he'd looked at me, the way he'd said my name, the way he'd kissed me like I was something precious and dangerous all at once.
35
ALAR
"When dawn dispels night's sweet lies, duty's burden heavy lies."
—Ancient Elurian Teaching
Sleep eluded me. I lay in my sleeping bag, staring up into the darkness, the memory of Kailin's kiss burning through every attempt at rational thought. My lips still tingled, and my hands remembered the silk of her hair, the warmth of her skin.
What had I done?
Why had I done it when I had known it was wrong?
Why had she allowed me to do that?
Were we both so weak that we couldn't fight this doomed attraction?
The questions circled endlessly in my mind as the hours crept by. Beside me, Codric mumbled something in his sleep and turned over, facing Shovia, who had inched closer to him. I envied their ability to pursue what they wanted without overthinking every move and letting worry of future pain override their base instincts. They were both like butterflies, hovering over a juicy flower as long as it was pleasurable to do so, and then moving on to the next one without giving it a second thought.
But I didn't have the luxury of following my heart's whims like Codric did. Not with so much at stake. If I managed to pull off my ambitious plan, it could change the trajectory of Aurorys's future, and if I failed, we would all eventually fall. The Sitorians would rule the continent after slaughtering half of our population and enslaving the rest.
None of the Elurian council members believed that it could ever happen, even though the Sitorians weren't reticent about proclaiming their intentions. The Council thought that it was just propaganda aimed at inspiring and controlling their own population, but they were fools to believe that. The Elucians knew better, but they were a small nation. As tenacious and brave as they were, they wouldn't last long as the buffer between us and the Sitorians.
The problem was that they were so damn secretive and elusive, and the only way I could see to gain their confidence was to become one of them, and the only way to do that was to become a dragon rider.
It was already a crazily ambitious plan, and I couldn't afford to complicate it further by getting involved with Kailin.
Nevertheless, I couldn't regret our kiss.
As the first hints of dawn began to filter into the cave, the early risers started to stir. I stayed cocooned in my sleeping bag,watching Kailin's peaceful face and memorizing every aspect of it. What if I told her my plans and got her to aid me?
It was such a ridiculous idea that I snorted quietly to myself. She would think I was insane and would reveal my identity, which would cause a major diplomatic event and get me kicked off the force even if I managed to get in.
When she finally opened her eyes, they met mine for just a moment before quickly looking away.
"Rise and shine, pilgrims!" Lysara's voice echoed through the cavern. "The storm has cleared enough to continue. Pack up and be ready to move in thirty minutes."
