The untimely thought fled as he spread my legs apart and knelt between them, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.
I was scared, but I also wouldn't stop this for anything less than a Shedun attack on the Citadel.
Gripping his shaft, Alar rubbed the crown up and down my sex, and I was transfixed, needing to see but at the same time afraid to watch.
I felt pressure at my opening, and as the crown penetrated the tight ring of muscles, the stretching sensation wasn't pleasant but felt necessary.
"Okay?" Alar asked, the tendons in his neck straining.
Biting on my lower lip to stop myself from whimpering, I nodded.
"I need words, Kailin. Talk to me." Sweat was beading on his forehead and temples from the strain of holding himself in check, but he was not willing to continue without my explicit permission.
If I hadn't already been falling in love with him for days, I would have fallen right now. I hadn't been with any other man, but I doubted anyone else would have been so considerate at this moment.
"It hurts," I admitted. "But I don't want you to stop. Just go slow."
"I can do that." He pushed a fraction more of his length, and the burning, pinching sensation intensified.
"More?"
I nodded even though I was fighting tears. Nothing good ever came without putting in the work, right? People wouldn't be obsessing about sex if it didn't get much better fast.
As Alar pressed a little more, I tried to breathe through the pain. He looked as anguished as I was, not because he was hurting physically, but because he hated hurting me.
"I love you," I murmured.
His head shot up, and he looked stunned. "I love you, too."
"I know." I offered him a smile. "Don't be afraid to hurt me. I'm tougher than I look."
"I don't want you to have to be tough." He rocked his hips a little. "I want this to be pleasurable for you."
"I know." I gripped his bottom, gritted my teeth, and arched up, taking him all the way until he hit the end of my channel.
The pain was blinding in its intensity, but then it started abating. It became bearable, but it was still far from enjoyable.
Staying still, Alar gazed down at me with love shining in his eyes and reached with his fingers to push a strand of damp hair off my forehead.
"Are you okay?"
I forced a smile. "I will be in a moment."
He kissed me sweetly on the lips, and it also helped that he deflated a little inside of me, probably affected by my pained expression. The discomfort eased, and I moved my hips, rotating them a fraction to signal that I was ready for him to start moving.
His mouth still fused to mine, he started rocking gently inside of me until pleasure replaced discomfort, and I arched up again, taking him deeper yet.
With a groan, he let go of my mouth and increased the rhythm. I found myself meeting his thrusts one for one, and soon, we were both moving with frenzied urgency.
I was climbing toward another orgasm, and so was he, and when the coiled spring inside me sprang loose, Alar covered my mouth with his to muffle the scream that erupted from my throat. Releasing his own roar into my mouth, he jetted into me with powerful torrents.
With a groan, he collapsed atop my shuddering body, and I hugged him tightly to me, wishing we could stay like this, entwined in each other, body and soul.
69
ALAR
"Personal attachments are a tactical liability, yet in a war, the will to endure often hinges on what a soldier deems worthy of the cost.
