I'm waiting for Alar to arrive, and my heart won't stop racing. Shovia has gone to spend the night with Codric, leaving our room to me and Alar.
Together. Alone.
I want him, and I don't want to wait, but I'm afraid of disappointing him. Did he guess already that I've never been with anyone?
My palms are sweating. I have no idea what to expect tonight, what he expects. But I know what I want, and I drank the contraceptive tea to prepare.
I'm ready.
—From the journal of Kailin Strom
It was gallant of Alar to wait for me to make the first move, but he probably had no idea how difficult it was for me to initiate.
I was no seductress.
I didn't know what to do.
Finally, I gathered my courage and touched his face, tracing the line of his clean-shaven jaw. "Maybe he saw in you what I see."
Alar's eyes blazed with need, and I had a feeling that he was holding himself in check by a thread. "And what's that?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
I wanted the thread to snap. I wanted him to pull me into his arms and kiss me, and with the fuse ignited, I knew where it would lead.
"A natural leader," I whispered.
"I don't know about that." He gripped my fingers and brought them to his lips. "To rule a country, one needs to be a diplomat, and that's not who I am."
I shook my head. "You might not be as smooth as politicians often are, but that is what makes you seem more authentic, reliable, and trustworthy. That's what inspires loyalty." I hesitated before adding the last bit of what was on my mind, but it was now or never. "That's why I trust you with my virginity."
Perhaps it wasn't the best way to warn him about my inexperience, but it was the naked truth and the Elucian way.
Alar didn't look as surprised as I'd expected, probably having guessed that already. But how? A twenty-one-year-old virgin was a rarity, and I hadn't acted prudish. Or had I?
Lifting my hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it almost with reverence. "Thank you for your words and for your trust in me. I vow to be all of those things to you and more. I'll always be authentic with you, you can always rely on me, and I will never betray your trust."
I had tears in my eyes, but I didn't want to ruin the moment with anything that could be misconstrued as sadness or regret, so I hid them by lowering my gaze.
Alar looped his arm around me, pulling me in tightly, and kissed me. It started sweet and gentle, but our need for each other stoked the flames of desire, and soon he was holding me with both arms and groaning as he kissed down my neck.
I surrendered to the thrill, to the adrenaline, to the driving need to experience this to the fullest, and just as I was wondering if he would keep his downward scorching path of kisses all the way to my aching nipples, he reached with his hand and gently cupped one breast over my shirt, sending shockwaves through my body that all culminated at the apex of my thighs.
The burst of desire was so overwhelming that I saw bright lights flicker behind my closed lids.
I was going to explode.
The trail of hot kisses changed trajectory, and instead of continuing down, he went sideways and up, trailing kisses along my jawline, my cheek, and finally getting to my mouth.
When we came up for air, he leaned away and looked at me with eyes that were glazed with desire.
"Why did you stop?" I asked.
Instead of answering, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it up and over his head, revealing a spectacular torso.
"Oh, wow." My hand flew to my lips. "That was fast."
Smooth skin was stretched taut over hard muscles and bulging biceps that he'd been somehow hiding under long-sleeved shirts all of this time. Alar might not be as buff as Morek, but only because he was built leaner.
Looking unsure, he reached for his discarded shirt. "Should I put it back on?"
