"Mmm-hmm." She raised a knowing eyebrow.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you were both giving each other reasons to be jealous, whether you meant to or not."
I chuckled. "I knew he didn't mean anything by it. That's why I forgot to even bring it up. But if he ever brings up Ravel again, I will remind him of Vessa."
It sounded petty, and things like that shouldn't be part of a good relationship, but people were people, not angels, and the hard truth was that life was one big negotiation. Love was not unconditional, and it had to be nurtured, even pampered, to keep growing instead of wilting.
Not that Alar and I were in love. We had both guarded our hearts because neither of us had believed that we would end up here together. We'd both expected to go our separate ways after the pilgrimage.
Now we had a chance that wasn't there before.
Then it hit me. What if we didn't make it through the training? Or only one of us did?
"What if I fail and Alar becomes a rider?" I voiced my fear. "Or vice versa?"
Shovia shrugged. "Then you deal with it when it happens. No point borrowing trouble from tomorrow when today bringsplenty of its own. Besides, if anyone's going to wash out, it's more likely to be the pretty Elurians and not us, the mountain-raised Elucians, right?"
I was offended on their behalf. "Alar and Codric are pretty resilient."
Shovia's expression turned serious again. "We don't know much about them. They're outsiders. If they fail, they go home. But even if they were Elucians, this would probably have been the end of it. Not everyone who fails the training decides to stay on. Our lives are here now, Kailin."
It hurt to acknowledge the truth, but hiding from it was not the answer. "Like you said, there is no point borrowing trouble from the future, and worrying about what might or might not happen. For all we know, we could die tomorrow."
"Elu forbid." Shovia touched three fingers to her lips. "You vowed to stay alive."
"I vowed not to let myself get killed, and I won't, but shit happens, and it doesn't ask for permission."
51
KAILIN
"Those who greet the first light with vigor, reap the day's best rewards."
—By an unknown, confused soul
The blaring alarm ripped through my consciousness like dragfire, yanking me from a dreamless sleep. I bolted upright, heart pounding, momentarily disoriented in the unfamiliar room.
The academy. Right. I was a cadet now.
"Rise and shine, cadets!" A voice bellowed from the hallway, followed by the thunderous pounding of a fist against our door. "Physical training in twenty-five minutes! Anyone not on the assembly ground on time gets latrine duty for a week!"
Across from me, Shovia groaned and pulled her pillow over her head. "Is this some kind of a joke? We just fell asleep."
She wasn't far off.
Instead of going to sleep right after curfew like we should have, Shovia and I had talked late into the night, and now we were paying the price.
I had intended to wake up early and write in my journal, but that wasn't going to happen now. I barely had time to run to the bathroom and brush my teeth.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, wincing when my feet landed on the cold stone floor. "Get up, Shovia," I yelled over the blaring alarm. "We have twenty-two minutes left, and there are only five sinks and five stalls in the girls' bathroom. There will be a line."
I took my training uniform out of the wardrobe. A pair of sturdy cargo pants and a long-sleeved fitted shirt made from stretchy fabric. Regrettably, we got no new boots and had to wear the pair that we'd been issued for the pilgrimage.
By now, they were properly broken in and no longer caused blisters, but they were far from comfortable.
As I changed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the small mirror mounted on the back of the wardrobe door. My hair was a tangled mess, and dark circles shadowed my eyes.
