He chuckles, a warm, genuine sound that eases the tension in my chest.Reaching for the French press, he pours the coffee into the mugs.
I take the one he offers me and try my hardest not to giggle.“Thisis the biggest mug you own?”I ask with mock disappointment.
“Careful, or I’ll switch it out for a thimble.”A playful smile spreads across his face.
A giggle bursts past my lips.
“Lead the way, please,” he says, the warmth lingering in his eyes.
With the heat of the coffee mug seeping into my icy fingers, I leave the kitchen and head for the glass doors leading to the backyard.
TWENTY FIVE
DESPITE MY OVERSIZED sweatshirt, a shiver runs through me when I step out onto the patio.
I exhale long and slow, engulfed by the quiet.“It’s always so peaceful out here.”
Matthew places a hand on the small of my back.His pace matches mine as we climb the two wide stone steps.
At the top, he swings the waist-high, wrought-iron gate open.We step onto the concrete surrounding the pool.Two modern loungers and a small wicker table sit invitingly to my left, bathed in the soft light spilling from the patio doors below.But the thought of sitting, of being still while the numbing effect of alcohol dissolves, feels unbearable.
Stillness means thinking.
And thinking means confronting the wreckage of my life.
The impossible choices ahead.
Movement is my only defense.
I’m drawn to the shimmering surface of the pool.My gaze fixes on the diving board at the opposite end.I leisurely stroll the length of the turquoise-lit water.My bare feet pad on the smooth concrete.Each step pulls me out of the frantic spin of my thoughts and into the simple reality of cool stone underfoot and vast night sky above.
Calm.Cool air.Solid ground.Pure sensation.
Matthew trails behind me, his footsteps matching my pace.
I stop at the base of the diving board.My gaze travels up the simple structure as I sip the lukewarm coffee
“Do you actually jump off this thing?”I ask, my voice raspy.“Or is it just for show?”
Matthew chuckles softly, standing beside me.“It’s functional.”His gaze follows mine to the board jutting over the water.“Can’t say I’ve ever dived off it at night though.Not yet, anyway.”He bumps his shoulder against mine, a playful challenge sparking in his eyes.
My eyes widen.“Me?” I point to my chest, then the board.“Onthat?No way!”I shake my head.“Are you crazy?!I’ve never stood on one, let alone jumped off one!”The thought alone makes my legs feel weaker.
“Never?”Matthew raises his eyebrows, amusement dancing in his eyes.
I shake my head again.A soft giggle escapes me, a welcome distraction from the ache still radiating through my chest.
“You can just stand on it.”He shrugs.
“Will it hold my weight?”I ask warily, making Matthew laugh.
“It’s quite sturdy.You don’t have to worry about that.”
Curiosity wars with uncertainty.I take the smallest step forward, staring at the board, then back at him.
Matthew’s expression softens, the playful glint in his eyes replaced by quiet earnestness.“Trust me, you won’t end up in the water.”
I laugh nervously.“That’s reassuring.”
