“No, but your relationship is,” he counters.“Yet you choose to stick it out, protecting what little good is left.”
“Okay, that’s enough.”My protest is barely audible.
“You continue to fight for it because you will do whatever it takes not to believe something that once felt so real could turn so ugly—”
“Enough—” I hiccup a sob.
“He’s managed to convince you that your worth is tied to his approval,” he continues, his voice rising.“And you… you’ve become so focused on keeping him happy, you’ve lost sight of your own identity.You’re living in his shadow, Amy.Fading away until there’s nothing left of you—”
“I said enough!”I shove his chest with all my might.
He stumbles back.Regret flickers across his face.“And that’s the truth,” he whispers, his voice trembling.“The truth she never got to hear from me because it was too late… because I was a coward.”
Matthew swipes a hand down his face before turning his back to me, hands planted on his hips, head bowed.
I stand frozen.He’s ripped open a wound I didn’t know I had.
As I start to leave, he reaches for my elbow.
“Good night,” I say with finality, staring at the floor.
“Please, just listen.”He releases his grip.“I… I know what love can do to people.What it can make them do.”He turns away from me, a muscle jumping in his cheek.“I can’t… I won’t…”
I don’t wait for him to finish.
I rush back inside.Up the stairs and into the guest room.
I lean against the wood, breathing ragged.
The darkness is a welcome refuge from the harsh glare of reality.I curl up in bed, the soft sheets a comforting cocoon.Matthew’s words linger, stirring a whirlwind of shame and confusion.
A shadow stretches across the sliver of light beneath my door.Then retreats.
Footsteps fade into silence.
Expelling the breath I was holding, I turn onto my back.Shadows of branches dance on the ceiling.
He’s right.
The realization steals my breath.
I’ve lost sight of my identity.
Tears prick my eyes.
Who am I without James?
His words were excruciating.A sharp blade twisting in my heart.I clutch my chest as if I could physically hold the pain at bay.He gave voice to my deepest fears, and most secret hopes, with uncanny accuracy.And the woman he mentioned…
The truth she never got to hear.
Who is she?
A strange pang of envy darts through me.
Exhaustion finally claims me, and I drift off to a restless sleep, haunted by the ghost of a love that never was.And the lingering fear that maybe, just maybe, I’m not capable of anything more.
SIX
