The blue bubble sits there, a tiny boat I’ve just sent out into a vast, silent ocean.All I can do now is wait to see if it comes back, or sinks without a trace.
I set my phone on the desk and with a steadying breath, turn my attention back to the apartment listings.
Hours crawl by, but for the first time in a long time, they are productive.My list of potential apartments grows steadily longer.A second-floor one-bedroom near the lake; a slightly cheaper studio further west; another promising lead from a different rental site.I diligently add phone numbers, cross-reference locations on a map tab, immersing myself in the practical task of building a new foundation for myself.
But the silence from my phone is a persistent low hum of static beneath the surface.A magnetic pull my gaze keeps fighting.Finally, during a lull in my search, I give in, turning the screen over.
Still dark.
Still silent.
Nothing.
My apology, my concerned question, sitting there unanswered in the void.The realization solidifies, cold and hard.
He saw my apology.
He saw my question asking if he was okay.
He saw my missed calls.
And he is actively, deliberately choosing silence.
The thought ignites my fury.
A hot, clarifying anger that burns away the pathetic hope I’ve been clinging to.Angry with him for this cruel, silent rejection.And angrier at myself for sitting here, paralyzed, letting this man’s silence have such a hold over me.
No.
The word is a silent vow.
I will not sit here and be ignored.
I will not let him have that power.
This isn’t a waiting game anymore.
It’s a question that needs an answer, and I’m going to get it.
My chair hits the wall behind me as I abruptly stand.I snatch my purse, pull out my keys, and shove my phone in without looking at the screen again.I stride out of the office and head straight for the front counter.
Helen and Grace are handling the late-afternoon trickle of customers.
“Helen,” I say, interrupting her as she hands a customer their change.“I need to head out.Can you and Grace handle closing tonight?”
Helen turns, surprise widening her eyes.“You found something already?”Then she takes in my expression.“Everything okay?”Her voice drops slightly, concern instantly replacing surprise.
“I’m about to find out,” I say, forcing a quick, dismissive smile.“See you tomorrow!”I avoid her searching gaze, turning and heading straight for the door.
My hands shake as I fumble the key into the ignition.I pull away from the curb as soon as the engine rumbles to life.
The drive across town is a blur of traffic lights and tight anxiety.
What am I doing?
What if he’s not even home?
What if he is home and tells me to leave him alone?
