What do I write?
I type out the first thing that comes to mind.
Hey, hope you’re okay.
Too casual.Too insincere after what happened.
My thumb mashes the backspace key.
Can we talk?
No.Too demanding.It puts pressure on him.
Delete.
About yesterday…
Vague and cowardly.
I groan, frustration mounting.
Simple,I tell myself.
Honest.
Apologetic.
I take a breath and begin again, typing slowly.
Matthew, I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday.
I pause, reading the sentence.
Better.
It’s direct.
It takes responsibility.
A flicker of relief, immediately followed by doubt.
But it’s not enough.It doesn’t show that I understand why it was so wrong.
My fingers move again before I can stop them:
It wasn’t right to compare you.I didn’t mean to do it.
I stare at the two sentences sitting together.They feel inadequate, small against the magnitude of his reaction.Small against the depth of the hurt I sensed in him.
But what else can I write?
Groveling won’t help.Excuses are pointless.
This is a start.
An opening.
Maybe.
