She rolled her eyes. “You know. That there isn’t some perfect place you're taking me. It’s okay, you can admit it. We could run off together. I know I can get another job, and I’m sure I can find something for you to do. You’re big and intimidating, especially when you're wearing that armor and weapons. No one would give us a hard time.” An idea occurred to her. “We could travel as a solo act! Travel from station to station and entertain some people. I knew a couple of families that did that. It’s good money. We could totally do my wild-human act. You could pretend to be my keeper.”
“No, I didn’t lie to you about anything,” he said. “The problem is that I left things out.”
Her excitement disappeared. “What did you leave out?”
“You didn’t have to pick me,” he said.
“Pick you to buy me?” she asked.
“Pick me to have sex with. There are many warriors who would all want you to pick them,” he said. “I took advantage ofyou by sleeping with you before you got to meet any of them. We’re told that we can’t propose to the humans until we’re back on Hissa. Otherwise, we’re taking advantage of humans who’ve been abused and traumatized. We’re given strict orders about how to interact with newly recovered humans. We receive lectures about how the human we recover might latch onto us because we represent safety, not because they actually want us. It’s important that after a lifetime of slavery, the human has the right to choose their partner.”
It took her a moment to take in everything he’d said. It was just so ridiculous! He was so sweet and naive to believe everything he was told by his employer. His sincerity gave her hope that they could stay together.
But first, she needed to wipe that sad look off his face.
“Do I seem traumatized to you?” she asked.
“We were told that trauma can take many forms and be very complex,” he answered.
She went with another tact. “Do I act like I’m scared of you?”
“You ran away,” he reminded her, making her snort out a laugh.
“Because you bought me,” she retorted. “I wasn’t letting you guys take me to someplace unknown. Everything that happened after we got here was my choice.”
“You aren’t capable of making those choices,” he said.
Anger rose up in her. She didn’t tamp it down. “Oh really? What makes me incapable of saying no? I’m not saying that there might be women out there who say yes because they're scared, but has anything I’ve done made it seem like I was one of those women? I’m the one who kissed you on the shuttle and again in the bathing room. Me! I made that choice because I enjoyed it. I liked what we did afterwards. I might’ve been a slave, but I’ve never been subservient.”
She tapped the table as she made her point. “I’ve never had sex before you, and I’m looking forward to doing it again. But if you think I’m that pathetic, then I’m not having it with you!”
He looked devastated. “You’re strong and intelligent, I never meant to imply otherwise. But abuse and trauma can make individuals agree to things they don’t actually want. How can I know if you had sex with me because you wanted it or you were worried about appeasing me? All your decisions must be at least partially based on the fact that I’m bigger and have weapons. What I did was deplorable.”
Finally, she understood what he was trying to tell her. She burst out laughing.
The shame on his face morphed into confusion. “What’s so funny?”
“The idea that I would sleep with you because I was worried you’d hurt me,” she said, catching her breath.
“It could be true,” he insisted.
“Really? Wouldn’t I have tried when you first grabbed me outside the shuttle on the Delight? Or later after I tried to drug you on the ride down to Fielden?”
He pointed a finger at her. “You kissed me on the shuttle! That could’ve been to keep me from trying to physically punish you.”
“You wouldn’t hit me,” she scoffed, amused that he was trying to convince her that he was the bad guy.
“How can you know that?” he asked.
“Because you haven’t yet,” she shot back, enjoying the back and forth. “When I tried to drug you, all you did was break the gun.”
“I pulled you violently to the floor by the ankle,” he reminded her.
“Because I’d already escaped twice,” she said with a laugh. “I’d grab me too. It wasn’t polite but understandable.”
“I’m still bigger, and we were here alone,” he whispered. “Before anything happened between us, you should’ve been able to talk to other Decanted women. No one should’ve pressured you until you had a home you felt secure in, in your new life. In the short time we’ve been together, you were terrorized, injured, and then hurt further when I carried you from the shuttle without the proper protective covering. I’ve done everything wrong. How can you forgive me?”
“You’ve treated me with a level of gentleness I never expected from a stranger, let alone an owner,” she said, deciding to lay out all her thoughts. “You’ve spent a lot of money on me too. At first, I kept telling myself that it was because you were making sure your investment stayed healthy, but that couldn’t be it. You cared that I was in pain or if I was comfortable. Neither of those things were about my value. You even bathed me in a way that was soothing, not exploitative.”
