Her gaze cast down again, and he frowned as he looked at her once more. Who would have thought that such a modest exterior could have hidden such illicit desires? “Then whom else should I ask?”
“No one. Any man you ask risks taking advantage of you.”
“And ruining my prospects?” she asked wryly, glancing back up at him. Although her hair had turned a rather stunning silver, her lashes were still dark, framing her blue eyes in a lovely way. She had always been lovely to look at, in a gentle, subtle way—a night-flower opening its petals to the gaze of the moon. “My dear Charles, I think we both know Ihaveno prospects. A woman’s reputation only serves to provide her with a husband, and I am unmarried.”
“It also keeps her in society, and we both know you have a place in that.”
“Barely.”
“That does not make rejection from its ranks easier.” He braced his hands against his knees. “But even if we were not to take the matter of your reputation into account, you must know that a fellow prepared to do something like this might not be . . . kind.”
A frown pinched her brow. “How so?”
“He might take advantage, as I said.”
“You mean he might be rough with me?” She tilted her head. “Are men usually rough?”
For one of the first times in his life, he found himself speechless. “I—” He cleared his throat. “That’s hardly relevant. The point is, you cannot trust just anyone with a task of this nature.”
“Well, I hadn’t intended to trust just anyone with it. That’s why I came to you.”
Irritation briefly sharpened his voice. “I also don’t seduce innocents, Pidge. I don’t know where you got this notion from, but—”
“Charles.” She laughed. “I’m not a schoolroom miss. Things are different between us. I have no expectations, and I’m not intending to get between you and your future wife.”
“Damn it, Evie, don’t you see how that makes it worse?”
Her brows creased with her frown. “I don’t. I think it’s a perfectly reasonable request to make, and I don’t understand your reluctance. Unless . . .” Abruptly, she looked down at her lap, fingers fussing over her pleated skirts. “You can say, you know, if you had rather not do it because I don’t appeal to you. I know I’m not the most desirable. I’d just assumed, perhaps erroneously, that because you have a great deal of experience, you might not . . . mind too much.”
“Good God.” A laugh barked out of him, though there was nothing amusing about this situation. On the contrary: he felt a little as though he had been punched. “Is that what you think? That you repulse me, but I’mexperiencedenough that I won’t let that matter?”
She flushed, looking now as though she would rather throw herself in the fire than continue this conversation. “I see now I made a mistake in asking you.”
Yes, she had. But not because he found her repulsive. Quite the opposite, if his body’s response was anything to go by. “Wait,” he said, reaching out a hand and taking hers again. Her skin was cool in his. “My refusal isn’t because I wouldn’t be honoured to—you are a beautiful woman,Evie. And you know I love you. The problem is . . .” He hesitated, chewing his lip. “The problem is, I would have to marry you.”
She ripped her hand from his, apparently appalled at the idea.
Years ago, when he’d been a mere boy and a fool, and she had inexplicably kept appearing in his dreams, he had proposed half in jest while in his cups. She had, rightly, refused his advances, and he’d vowed never to risk their friendship again. He’d distracted himself sufficiently elsewhere that, until this absurd proposition of hers, he had forgotten how luridly he used to imagine what lay under her buttoned-up layers.
“I have no aspirations in that direction, Charles,” she said faintly.
He clicked his tongue. “I’m well aware. If you had, this conversation would have gone differently, but that doesn’t change matters. My honour would not permit me to do anything without first receiving your consent to wed.”
“What a backwards notion.”
“You’re a lady, Evie. The daughter of a gentleman.”
“So if I were a milkmaid, you’d have no compunctions about ravishing me?”
“That isnotwhat I meant.”
“Then for heaven’s sake whatisyour point, aside from outdated concepts of propriety? I certainly don’t care a jot for them, and I don’t see why you should. Why is this any different from any other kind of favour I’ve asked you for over the years? You have accompanied me to Vauxhall Gardens, to the opera, to any number of balls, and you deigned to dance with me when I had no partners. We played together as children, and I remember the time we skated over the old pond and I fell in, and—”
“How can you possibly compare dragging you out of frozen water to the art of seduction?”
She blinked at him, not at all unnerved by the sharpness in his voice. “Because you were assisting me then, just as I wish for you to assist me now.”
“It’s entirely different. I would not beassistingyou. I’d be taking you as a lover. That’s—it’s utterly incomparable, Evie.”
