When she and Theo had been younger, they had come out here with Nathanial to play on this swing, laughing when he pushed them too hard. Annabelle had fallen off, once, and Theo had yelled in his face.
Now, Annabelle perched on the swing and let the toe of one slipper graze the grass underneath as she looked out across the rolling English countryside. Already, it promised to be a hot summer.
A year had changed so much. Theo was married and with child, and Annabelle finally knew what she wanted. She had finally discovered what it was to breathlessly want someone, and that had merely solidified her desire not to marry. A year ago, her decision to remain unwed was because she didn’t want a man.
Now she wanted the wrong one.
She had not known love could hurt that much.
She did not even know when she had begun to love him; she had landed before she had ever known she was falling. But if he would not marry her, she could not marry another. There was no other man who could take his place.
Better she leave and make her own way in the world. Henry was right: she could not remain living off the charity of others, but that was a bridge she would cross when she came to it. For now, Theo needed her and she would for the foreseeable future. Later, she would decide on her course of action. A governess, perhaps. She could play the pianoforte, she could sing, she could paint, and she was the younger daughter of an earl; if she needed to find work as a governess, she was certain she could. Yes, it was not the done thing, and it wouldn’t be easy, but she could do it.
Shewoulddo it.
And somehow she would contrive to forget Jacob.
* * *
With nothing better to do with her time, Annabelle read through Nathanial’s library. Her days passed within the pages of one book or another, and by the time a month had gone by, she had finished all the novels she could find—which were sadly few. She was reading an uninspiring tome about duck husbandry on the swing when she heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Henry approaching, his hat in his hands.
“Henry,” she said in surprise, shutting the book with some small relief. Theo was sleeping and the duck book was better than nothing, but any distraction was welcome. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“I arrived a few minutes ago. I found I had some business on the estate and so I thought I would drop by.” He nodded at the swing. “Do you remember we used to play here as children?”
“You mean you and Nathanial used to run off and play, and left us at home to trail after you?”
He rubbed his chin, which had a slight graze of stubble. “I suppose I do.”
“You pushed me off when I was six,” she mused. He had been sixteen and lanky then, not having grown into the man he’d become.
“I was a brat back then. But I picked you up and brushed you down and apologised.”
“That’s only because you were worried I would run to Mama.”
“Well, was I right?”
She conceded the point with a slight smile, and tilted her head. “The fault is yours for pushing me off in the first place.”
“I’ll accept that.” He leant against the tree and looked at her with those weary eyes. “I heard you ended your engagement with Jacob Barrington. My congratulations.”
And the peace of the moment was dashed. Annabelle glanced at her book, wondering if it would be rude to openly ignore him. Unfortunately, she concluded, it would be.
“It’s hardly something to congratulate,” she said. “And if you have come here to gloat, you may leave. I have no interest in discussing my former engagement with you.”
“Anna, I wouldn’t gloat.” He sounded a little hurt. “You know I just want the best for you.”
If Jacob had wanted her, he would have been the best for her. Or at least, the only thing she wanted, and she could not find a difference between the two.
“The Season is not yet over, and Theo’s child is not yet born,” Henry continued. “I came here to request you come back to London with me. We still have a month or two left, and I have a few friends I would like to introduce you to. If you marry before the Season ends—”
Annabelle held up a hand, slipping off the swing, her feet landing on dusty ground, the grass having been scraped away. It was June; the sun was hot and the days long. “You want me to marry one of your friends? That is your grand plan?”
A muscle in his jaw worked. “I have mentioned them before. They are scholarly and kind and would treat you well, and if you were married, your future would be assured.”
“I have already mentioned I have no wish to marry.”
He made an impatient gesture. “And what, Anna? Have you truly thought this through? Theo and Nathanial are forming a family of their own. Perhaps you can look after the children, but they will employ a nanny for that. And think of the scandal if you remain unmarried. Yes, I am prepared to support you, but you need to help me. I’m trying to save usall. Do you realise how close to ruin we are?”
