Isaac sincerely hoped that was true, and the fact she’d said it a couple of times, he had to believe that she wasn’t saying empty words to make him feel better. The risk that once he’d told her everythingshe’d go back on it, was one he had to take, and if she did, well then she wasn’t the person he thought she was. “I first met Cass when she was six years old. I was a young DEA Agent who didn’t question anything and followed orders. We kidnapped Cass in a misguided attempt to destabilize the drug cartels in Mexico.” He ignored her gasp of surprise at his confession. “We were always going to give her back. It was a misguided plan that went balls up and ended up with her father being killed, and instead of leaving her in the middle of a gun fight, I bundled her back into the helicopter and brought her back to America. From the intel we had on the Ramirez family and their cartel, it was just her and her father, Manuel. Manuel had a brother, Gomez, but from what we knew, Gomez wasn’t his brother’s favorite person. I made a split decision thinking that she would be safer here than in a place where what we’d done had caused a bloody war between members of the cartel to seize control.”
Even all these years later, explaining what he’d done left him feeling dirty, as if he was caked with the blood of the agents and cartel members killed. He hadn’t been in the leadership group, but he’d been part of the whole sordid mess. A mess the DEA and other government agencies had tried to bury.
“From what I saw of Cass she looks happy,something she may not have gotten if you had left her behind.”
“Yes, she is now, but what we did, what our government did to her, it’s amazing that she’s as grounded as she is.”
“Tell me all of it. Don’t leave anything out, even if you think you should. I’m not going anywhere.” Marie scooted across the couch until her legs brushed his. He stopped himself from wrapping her close, he needed a little distance so that he could tell her everything.
“I tried to keep tabs on Cass over the years, but the CIA closed ranks and the information I got about her was sporadic at best. I didn’t physically see her again until years later when she was working for the CIA and came into a briefing meeting with intel for one of our assignments. She was only in there for a few seconds to hand off a file, but I could see how stressed and tired she was. I wanted to check on her after, but I didn’t get the opportunity.” He had never mentioned that meeting to Cass after he reconnected with her. He hadn’t thought it necessary. “After that, I tried to keep a better eye on her, but it was difficult with my job and the fact we worked for different agencies. I had a contact in the CIA who gave me dribbles of information. I didn’t want to let on why I wanted to know about her, or how I knew Cass, which was why I didn’t bother pushing for more.”
“But you cared about her, that's all that matters.”
“Yeah, I tried. The Ramirez Cartel was never off the DEA’s radar, and when it became obvious that Gomez Ramirez was becoming one of the major manufacturers and distributors of drugs, we needed to do something. We’re aware that we can’t stop drugs being sold in the USA or being smuggled all over the world, but we can try and reduce it by getting rid of one of the major players. I was sent to infiltrate the cartel. Get information back to the DEA on when shipments were coming in and stopping them. I worked my way up the organization, doing things, that…” He stopped and shook his head as if that would dispel the memories of the things he’d done. “Let’s just say, to be part of the cartel I had to act in a way that went against everything within me.”
“You did what you had to do to survive and do your job. I understand that.”
Fuck, he didn’t deserve her understanding, but he would take it. “Thanks. Anyway, Alliez Security became known to the cartel when Astrid, Growler’s wife, witnessed a murder by some of the cartel on a dealer in Skid Row and needed to be silenced. That was when I found out Cass worked for Alliez. Gomez also found out that the niece he thought was dead was in fact alive and well. He decided that it was time Casscame back to the family and be used as a bargaining chip to strengthen his position as a drug lord.”
“Oh my goodness, poor Astrid, how scary for her. And Cass too.”
“Teresa, Angel’s wife, also found herself in the cartel’s line of fire with her.”
Marie’s eyes widened. He could understand her shock. It seemed unbelievable how every woman associated with Alliez had been targeted by the Ramirez Cartel. It was, once again, one of those weird quirks of fate which led people down a road they hadn’t expected to travel. Fortunately the road also led to true love for them all. “What about Eveline? You mentioned she had to leave her place suddenly.”
“Eveline was indirectly affected by the cartel. Her boss took drugs, which everyone suspects were supplied by a dealer of Ramirez’s. He kidnapped her and paid someone to break into her apartment and, well let’s just say, he left a mark that ensured Eveline never wanted to live there again.”
“How on earth are all these women still sane? That’s some scary shit, and all of it related to Cass’s uncle. Did Cass know all of this? Did she know that her uncle was causing all these problems.”
“Not initially. I did what I could to keep Gomez’s nose off the trail that led to Cass.” This was where he had the potential to lose Marie’s respect. When he toldher what he’d done. How he’d harmed women who didn’t deserve to be in the situation they were in. “I knocked Astrid out while I killed the guy who kidnapped her. I had to shoot Teresa to keep my cover in place.”
“You shot Teresa!”
Marie’s exclamation didn’t surprise him. “I did, not because I wanted to, as I said I needed to keep my cover. I shot her in places I knew that couldn’t kill her, but I also had to make it look like I had so, I used a squib to simulate it.”
“When it was clear that Gomez was going to go after Cass and nothing I did could sway him from that course, I went and saw everyone at Alliez and told them who I was. They were already aware that an agent was undercover. That’s when I came face to face with Cass and found out just how far the CIA had gone to make sure she was a loyal agent for them and she’d forgot who she really was.”
Isaac fully expected Marie to move away from him. Even he couldn’t stand to be with himself some days, but it was impossible to separate himself from his body. Explaining everything he’d done, just brought back all the memories he tried so hard to keep buried.
It would be impossible to forget what he’d done. It was embedded into his soul. There was nothing he could do about it.
“All the things you did must eat at you, but I know if you could do things differently you wouldn’t, because at the end of the day your actions saved them. The fact you work for Alliez tells me that everyone who works there forgives you for what you did.” Marie had moved closer to him, one leg was slung over his, and he finally gave into what he’d been wanting to do since he sat down—he slung an arm around her shoulder and kept her plastered to his side. She grounded him, and he didn’t think she was aware of how much she helped him.
“They do, although I had to work a bit harder to earn Growler’s forgiveness, considering I’d put his SEAL team in danger and caused him to be injured and one of his teammates seriously hurt. My actions also caused Cass to undergo some horrible treatment by the CIA that made her forget all about her past and who she was. Who her father was.” He still hated the fact that the government had brainwashed her for their own purposes.
But it was all in the past, and the past couldn’t be changed. The past shaped everyone into the people they were, and lessons are constantly learned from it—even the hard ones. The uncomfortable ones. And sometimes, they were ignored and the mistakes were repeated.
Marie climbed onto his lap, and he gripped heraround the waist, anchoring her in place. His body immediately responded to her closeness.
How he wanted to lose himself in her embrace. To create a new and beautiful memory with her.
“I don’t claim to understand the guilt you live with, I can see it. I can see the pain relaying everything you’ve gone through in your eyes. Hear it in your words.” She framed his face, and as he met her gaze he saw no condemnation in them. There was nothing but acceptance and … admiration. “But know this, I think you have a strength that very few have. To do what you did, knowing that your actions could potentially be seen as selling your country out. That you were harming innocent women in an effort to save them, was not an easy thing to do. And at the end of the day, you won. Cass and the others are free and living full and happy lives. Ramirez is either dead or rotting in jail. And you’re here with me, which I’m eternally grateful for.”
Her words humbled him. He never considered what he’d done as being strong, he’d seen it as what he had to do. A means to an end. A job. “Thank you, I don’t feel like I deserve your words. I killed people in cold blood. I abetted in the selling of drugs. How many innocent lives were taken by those drugs?”
Marie placed a finger over his mouth, halting his words. “Stop. If you weren’t there Astrid, Teresa, andpossibly Cass would all be dead. Those people who died from overdoses would’ve died anyway. You didn’t feed them the drugs, they chose to take them. I may sound heartless, and considering I'm a doctor that could be seen as a flaw, but I’m also a realist. In my occupation I’ve seen countless tragedies. Things that didn’t make sense. Things I wish I could change, but I also save a lot of people. You may not think it because of what you did, but your job is just as important. I know that the information you gave which intercepted shipments potentially saved thousands. Don’t discount your value or the importance of your job.”
By the time she’d finished she was breathless, and Isaac was in awe, because there were parts of his job that he was proud of. He’d nipped Gomez’s sex trafficking goals in the bud. His information had saved two colleagues of Teresa’s who’d been kidnapped. He had done good, and he’d been the one to end Gomez’s life ensuring that Cass could live her life with Irish. It may have cost him a few weeks of being in a coma, and almost a year of isolation to ensure that everyone forgot about Javier Cortez.
