She meets my eyes, and this time she doesn’t look away. “You know what happens if we get caught.”
“Then maybe we quit sneakin’ around,” I say before I think better of it.
Sawyer looks at me like I just spoke a foreign language. “You say that like you’re actually capable of commitment.”
“Maybe I am. Maybe you’re changin’ that for me.”
She takes a step back. “You expect me to believe that? Have you ever even had a girlfriend? Been committed to anyone?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why is that?” she presses.
“Because I never wanted one. Commitment’s never been my thing.”
“Then help me understand,” she says, her voice softer now. “Why has commitment been so hard for you? Did some small-town beauty queen break your heart or something?”
My jaw tightens. “That what you think this is? That I never wanted to be with anyone because I got my heart broken?”
“Maybe,” she admits.
“Not even close.”
She chews her lip. “Then what is it?”
I stare at her, dead-level. “I don’t ever wanna be like him.”
Sawyer looks confused, concerned. “Like who?”
“My daddy.” It feels wrong calling him that, even now, but it’s true. “He was a drunk. He beat my mama. My brothers and I couldn’t fight him off, couldn’t protect her until one day we could. And by then we were already fucked, too,” I say, rougher than I mean. “I got the same blood, Sawyer. I know I can’t be with someone, not really. I can’t risk it. What happens if I have too many drinks one night? What if I wake up and realize I did something just like him?”
She looks at me with that look—the one that makes me remember why I don’t tell people this shit. But she doesn’t back off. Instead, she steps right into my space, grabs my hands, and pulls my arms around her.
“I’m sorry your daddy put you through that,” she says.Her voice is soft but it makes an impact. “You shouldn’t have had to see what he did to your mama. But you could never be like him. Do you hear me?” Her eyes blaze, searching mine. “You’ve got the scars from what you’ve been through, I see them now. But you’ve got so much more than that—you have strength. You’ve got heart. You protected me today. That’s who you are.”
Her words hit harder than any punch I’ve ever taken. I hold her tight, arms locked around her like I ain’t ever lettin’ go.
“I ain’t half the man you think I am, Sawyer.”
She shakes her head, stubborn. “No. You’re more.”
I don’t say a word. But I feel it—something splittin’ wide open inside me. And for the first damn time, I wanna believe there’s a possibility that could be true.
After a while, we agree on a plan, and I’m the first one out. They’re all still at the booth—Hazel with her glass of water, Knox halfway through another whiskey, Charming and Rogue probably already a case deep. Nobody looks up. If you act normal, people believe you’re normal.
I slide into the vinyl seat next to Knox, who’s too busy watching a fight on the bar’s corner TV to notice me. Country music is playin’ through the speakers. A few minutes later, Sawyer appears. She’s got that look she gets when she’s been crying, except she hasn’t. Her cheeks are flushed, eyes back to the blue I remember. She sits next to me because a few new people have joined the group. She’s doin’ her best to act casual.
Knox is the first to notice. “Well, well. I been lookin’ for you,” he says. “Thought you took off.”
Sawyer shrugs. “Work never stops. Was on the phone. Client things,” she says, flicking her hand in a little wave. She holds the phone up as proof.
Charmingsits back and puts his arm around some girl I don’t recognize. “You and Trouble were both gone for a while. We were all startin’ to wonder.”
“No idea what Trouble was up to. Probably snuck off to flirt with one of the buckle bunnies.” She says it like a joke, but she’s watching me closely. Waiting to see if I flinch.
"Darlin’, I just tip my hat and they do the rest," I say, and Sawyer’s mouth tightens. Beneath the table, I slide my hand to her thigh, my thumb brushing slow circles against her skin. She doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t even flinch. Just draws in a sharp, quiet breath.
Charming catches the play, probably, but he only grins and flicks his cheek with his tongue.
