Killian fucks women, but never lets them get close to him. It’s as if he’s afraid they’ll break through the armor he’s used to protect himself. We’ve all had bad experiences, but Carter had it the worst. But we don’t talk about that. Ever. It sends him into a spiral. The last one lasted six months, and involved a hospital stay. It wasn’t fucking pretty. If we’re honest, both Killian and I thought we’d lose him. We were at a party when everything went off course. The memory still gnaws at me when I see that familiar gleam in Carter’s eyes.
I’m standing with Killian, sipping on some fucking fruity girl drink, when I spot Carter out of the corner of my eye. He’s talking to a pretty brunette, Sharon? Stella? No, Stephanie. I think. She was a cheerleader back when we were in high school, and she was a goddamn slut. This woman would’ve fucked a snake if she could get it to hold still long enough.
Then it happens.
She reaches her hand up to touch Carter, and his eyes go black. That’s when I realize she’s in serious trouble.
He raises his arm, wraps his hand around her throat, and squeezes hard, cutting off her air as she swats at him and attempts to break free unsuccessfully. She slumps to the ground as Carter's eyes dart around him. He races down the hall, and Killian and I jump in front of him to stop him.
Carter screams at us both.
“Let me go. I don’t want to be alive. Just let me fucking die.”
He charges forward, pushing us both out of the way, and is gone. Carter is a hunter. And a runner. If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be.
Carter has attempted suicide five times. We already know when we lose him, that’ll be how. After searching for him daily over an eight-week time period, we found him hiding in the woods. He had lost thirty pounds and looked like shit, but he was alive. That was when we found out a little of what happened to him and why he doesn’t want to be touched. We still don’t know the entire story. It contributes to Killian's protective nature. With Carter, it’s from fear. If you have someone close to you that you could lose at a moment’s notice, you’ll do anything to save them. Even when it’s from themselves.
Killian stares at our brother with a worried expression.
“Listen to me. She can’t be here. When she wakes up, it’s time for her to go.”
Carter doesn’t take his eyes off the girl. He just keeps looking at her like she’s the answer to all his problems. Shaking his head, he says, “No. If she goes, I go.”
Killian steps closer to him and says, “Come on man. You just met this girl. You aren’t going to leave your family for her.”
Carter nods and speaks with a broken voice.
“I don’t want to, but I will. Don’t ask me to explain it. You think I don’t know it’s fucking crazy? That I’m fucking crazy?”
He turns to Killian as he gets louder.
“I didn’t choose to be who I am. I’m not like you. I get it. I’m not normal like you and Knox. The second I saw her, peace washed over me. I see something in her that reminds me of myself. Somehow, she makes me feel whole. The second she’s out of sight, it’s back with a fucking vengeance. If you ask her to go, you’re also asking me to leave. And I will, but I won’t come back.”
Killian swallows hard, and glances at me before responding to Carter.
“What do you see in her that reminds you of yourself?”
Carter is quiet for several minutes, as he stares at the stunning blonde still passed out in his bed, but finally, he answers the question.
“Pain. Pure fucking pain that never lets up. They hurt her, like I was hurt. None of you knows what it was like. But I think she does. We aren’t supposed to remember what happens to us when we’re only three years old, but I do. Because it was that fucking bad. The kinds of things that hurt physically, but also imprint a scar so deep on your soul, it changes who you are. I think that’s what happened to her. How can I walk away from someone who could see me? Really fucking see me? I can’t. I won’t.”
Killian rubs both of his temples and sighs loudly.
“Fine. For now, she can stay, but this is fucking temporary, Carter.”
He turns and leaves the room, as I ask my brother the obvious question that Killian didn’t.
“Why is she out? Did something happen to her?”
He shrugs his shoulders and, as if it’s no big deal, says, “I shot her with a tranq dart.”
“A tranquilizer dart? Oh, she’s going to be pissed when she wakes up. If you don’t want her to kill you, we should probably restrain her.”
Carter shakes his head.
“I don’t want to scare her.”
I point out the obvious.
