“No. He hung her, and then sliced her open from head to toe.”
The sobs overwhelm me, as I imagine three teenage boys finding their mother like that.
“Keep your hands where they are,” Carter instructs through a knot in his throat.
I do as he said, and he wraps his arms around me as I sit, frozen.
“Can I put my head on your shoulder?” I whisper.
”Please,” he chokes out. My heart sinks, because he sounds so broken.
I lay my head on his shoulder and inhale his woodsy scent as butterflies begin to swirl in my stomach.
“I’m sorry you went through that. Maybe one day, you’ll let me try to touch you.”
“No,” he growls, ripping himself away from me. He begins to pace in front of me as he spits out his reasoning.
“The last woman that touched me is dead. I’m the one who told her to touch me. I wanted to face my fears and overcome them. She did nothing other than what I asked of her, and I lost my mind. I killed her.” He roughly runs his hand over his hair, clearly frustrated with himself. “It wasn’t intentional. Well, it was, but I have no recollection of it. After blacking out, I came to, standing over her dead body. I will not risk that with you. If you need to touch, you have Knox. Please, Little Heathen, don’t ever trust me that much. I won’t want to, but Iwillhurt you. And it will fucking kill me, if I ever lay a finger on you in anger.”
“You are not a monster, Carter.”
He kneels in front of me before glancing to make sure my hands are still secured. He swallows hard and presses his forehead to mine.
“Oh, but I am, Little Heathen. In fact, I’m much worse. A monster knows when he’s going to destroy someone. I don’t, and still, it happens anyway. I am an uncontrolled nightmare. More fucked up than you can begin to imagine. I’d never knowingly hurt you, but if I ever ask you to touch me, please, say no.”
I don’t argue with him, even though I don’t believe he’d hurt me, let alone kill me. What he went through is terrible and would leave scars on anyone. No one would make it through that unscathed.
Knox asked me if I like to live dangerously, and maybe I do, because if Carter ever asks me to touch him, I will. I would risk pain to heal him.
“Thank you for telling me, Carter. I know that wasn’t easy.”
He sits back on his heels and blows out a long breath, then nods.
“I can’t talk about the specifics. It’s too much, but I wanted you to understand why I’m so fucked up.”
I flash him a soft smile.
“Killian is the monster of the family as far as I’m concerned. You’ve been kind to me.Mostly.”
Rising from the ground, Carter says, “Let me tell you about Killian while we walk back.”
I get up and grab my backpack, shoving my supplies inside. Shampoo, conditioner, and my extra crosses that were in my pocket. Following beside Carter, I wait for him to speak.
“He has always acted like a father, or an older brother, even though we’re obviously all the same age. When we found our mom, Knox and I fell apart. We started drinking a lot and got arrested a few times. It was bad. Killian is what saved us. I know he’s been a dick to you, and you have no reason to like him, but he’s always been our anchor. I hope, at some point, he’ll show you the real man he is, because what you’ve seen so far isn't it.Right now, all he sees when he looks at you is a threat to our family, and hopefully one day, he’ll realize he’s wrong.”
We walk into the house, and Killian stands with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Oh good, she’s still alive,” he quips sarcastically, before he turns and walks away.
I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off, but Carter stops me.
“Behave, Little Heathen. Poking the angry bear won’t get you anywhere.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CARTER
“Knox,” she moans, and I lift my head, hitting it on the hood of the car.
