She lets go of my arm and pours rice on the floor, as I watch her in confusion. Why is she putting food on the floor?
“Kneel. Show God how sorry you are for misbehaving.”
I push my messy blonde hair out of my eyes, and continue looking at my mother with uncertainty.
“Kneel, Heather. On the rice.”
I do as I’m told, even though I don’t understand how this will show God how sorry I am. It takes a short time for me to realize this is my punishment. The hard grains of rice dig into my flesh, as I stare at the massive cross in front of me. Is this really what God wants? To hurt me? Embarrass me while my brothers andsisters look on? I don’t like it, but if this is what I have to do to go to Heaven, I will.
August 2010 (Ageten)
The Servantsof Christ
I lookaround the room filled with people—grownups and children. Mama said this meeting is important, and that’s why the kids are included this time. Daddy stands at the podium on the stage, running his fingers through his long white beard. There are a lot of people sitting in the white chairs. Some are my family, but others are strangers, Mama said joined our church.
My father raises his hands and speaks.
“God has spoken to me. I am your Prophet. This message is directly from God.”
I glance at Mama with shock.
“God talked to Daddy?”
I’m immediately amazed because I’ve always wished God would speak to me, and tell me what he wants. Even at ten years old, I live in constant fear of going to hell. Daddy says if we sin, we will burn in hell for eternity. We must please God if we want to go to Heaven.
“Wicked is the one who disobeys the Prophet. And he will be punished. The Prophet is the messenger of God. You must treat his words as if God himself spoke to you. These are your commandments.”
Daddy turns the page on the podium and continues.
“These are your new six commandments issued by God himself.”
He clears his throat and continues.
“The Prophet will take wives at God's choosing. Other men in good standing will take multiple wives with the approval of the Prophet.
Children will no longer receive education outside of God's word.
Every member will work, and donate the proceeds to the church, so that we may continue to grow. Beginning next week, you will meet with Bethany, so that you may be assigned.
God is love, and gave us these bodies so that we may love one another. Sex is not a sin, but a gift from God.
Once a female experiences her first menstruation, she is ready to marry. She may only be shared among the men with God's approval. Once married, a female will make herself available to her husband to express love.”
He grips the sides of the podium and stares at us with a scary look.
“You will follow every rule, or you will be sent to Camp Redemption. This is God’s will, and it shall be done.”
The room is silent as everyone takes in my father’s words. I didn't understand much of what he said, but one thing rings in my ears.‘Once a female experiences her first menstruation, she is ready to marry.’
My sister Abigail started her period when she was twelve. That means I could start mine soon, but I’m too young to get married. Why would God order this?
My mother stares across the room at my father, a smile filled with adoration on her lips. He is huddled with three men; my Uncle Richard, and two strangers. They speak while glancing around the room, as if they want to be sure nobody hears them.
Mama takes my hand and says, “Are you excited? Soon you will be a woman and marry.”
The tears are instant, because I do want to get married, but not now, and not to a boy in the church. Most of the boyshere are my brothers and cousins. Surely, they don't mean I'm supposed to marry one of them. Right? This isn't okay. You don't marry your family. I’m so confused, and nothing makes sense to me.
February 2013 (Agetwelve)
