Knox helped her take a shower after I left the room. I wanted it to be me in there with her, but I couldn’t risk her touching me. I mentally berated myself the entire time.
Why am I so fucked up?
What started out as simply not wanting to be touched has turned into a goddamn phobia.Haphephobia.I was desperate to touch her, but then my heart rate spiked as every muscle in my body recoiled from the fear that she’d touch me back. I’m so fucked in the head, and for that reason alone I should stop obsessing over her. We can never be together like I want us to be. Even if she did want me, she’ll never be able to touch me. Still, I want to feel her skin. Not just want, it’s a fucking craving that will not stop.
How can you be afraid of something, yet yearn for it desperately?
Will I be able to make her understand why that can’t happen? Not without telling her everything. Things nobody knows. Not even my brothers. They don’t know details about what happened. Only that I can’t tolerate touch.
I walk into the room and find Heather on the bed with Knox beside her. I stand, staring, and she spots my anxiety instantly. It’s something I’m able to hide from everyone, except my brothers and now her, and that leaves me feeling unsettled. She shouldn’t be able to see behind the mask, but somehow she does.
“I can sleep on the chair. It’s not a big deal.”
She lies on the bed wearing my fucking t-shirt. This must be my brother's doing, but I’m not sure why. Her clean, long hair is splayed around my pillow. Her bare thighs are on top of the covers, giving me a glimpse of her perfect skin.
Running a hand through my dark hair, I say, “You are not sleeping on a chair. It’ll be fine. I’m not used to sleeping with anyone, but we’ll make it work.”
I reach behind my neck, pull my shirt over my head, and toss it on the chair. I notice her gorgeous blue eyes traveling down my body, and then back up as they settle on my face. Her cheeks burn a crimson red, and fuck, it makes my body respond immediately. I want her to want to touch me. More than that, I want to be able to let her, I want to be able to enjoy the feeling of her fingers on my skin.
I slide into the bed beside her, and lie on my side facing her.
“I won’t touch you,” she says. Swallowing hard at her words, I flash her a questioning look.
“Before he left, Knox told me you don’t like being touched. I thought—I thought I disgusted you.”
I sigh, defeated. “Definitely not, Little Heathen. Go to sleep.”
She closes her eyes while I keep mine on her, like a little kid afraid of missing seeing Santa Claus.
I want to look at her forever. I take in the way her chest expands with her breaths, her slightly parted lips I imagine taste delicious, and the way her blonde hair is splayed around my pillow under her head. Once I’m satisfied she’s asleep, I lean my head in and inhale the scent of her neck. She smells like she didbefore but now has the added scent of my soap, and I fucking love that she smells like me. Like she’s mine. Unable to control myself, I press my lips to her skin. Fuck. Her skin is soft and smooth like the petals of a fully bloomed rose.
The desire to tie her up and sink inside her is strong. I’ve never even had sex, but I know, just from her scent alone, that I want to with her. Knox and Killian could take her without a second thought. Without the fear of her hands on their skin. Because they are the one thing I never will be.
Fucking normal.
I’m not an idiot though, I know she’d freak out and I’d terrify her. After what she has been through, I can’t do that to her. She’d never forgive me, and maybe I’d never forgive myself either.
CHAPTER TWELVE
KILLIAN
They are both fucking idiots. The way Carter and Knox are nearly falling all over themselves with this woman is concerning. She is trouble, and we all know it. I get that she’s a victim, and her life has been fucked up, but I’m not interested in risking my family because of her trauma. The second she told us about what she’s been through, I knew we were fucked. I know my brothers as well as I know myself, and there’s no scenario where they aren’t going to do the right thing with her. They will protect her, consequences be damned, which leaves me with a choice to make. Either I help them or I don’t, and if I choose the latter, I could lose both of my brothers.
Our life hasn’t been easy, but I’d take the hardest road with them, than the easiest one without them. We have a perfect balance with the three of us, and this girl is threatening everything. Knox is going to fuck her. It’s not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’. I have no fucking clue how Carter is going to handle that. He’s never acted like this over a woman, but he sure as hell is love drunk now. Or lust drunk at least.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Knox says, coming up behind me and taking a seat on the other end of the sectional in our lounge.
I take a gulp of my whiskey and swallow it down before responding.
“I think you already know what I’m thinking about.”
He nods as he reaches over to the refrigerator beside him and grabs a beer. Twisting off the cap, he tosses it into the garbage can before taking a swig of it.
“Yeah. You’re worried. It’s written all over your face.”
We’re triplets, but I’ve always taken the role of an older brother, or a father, since we didn’t have one. Our name is the only thing he ever gave us.
“You don’t want her here,” he says.
