“Have you lost your fucking mind, Carter? This is not a ‘mind over matter’ situation. It will not end well.”
He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and puts his head in his hands.
“I need you to help me. You can make sure we are both safe. I have to at least try this. She should be able to touch me. I see how things are between you two, and I want that. It’s so fucking normal. Please, Knox, I need your help with this.”
I blow out a long breath and rub my temples. This is a terrible fucking idea. You cannot cure mental health issues this way.
“This is not the way, Carter. This will do more harm than good.”
Shaking his head, his expression shows so much pain and I fucking hate that I can’t take that away from my brother.
Releasing a loud sigh he says, “Please, Knox. I need to do this in a way that she’ll be kept safe. I need to know no matter what happens, Heather will be okay. I need you for that.”
There’s no way around it. Carter will not let this go until he sees for himself that this won’t work. And he’s right. If I’m not there, she may not be safe.
“When?”
His response is immediate, as if he knew the answer, without time to think about what to say.
“Now.”
I nod and rise from my chair.
“Get Heather and bring her to my room. We can talk to her together first. If she refuses, we will accept it. Consent first, Carter.”
“Knox,” he says, as I turn to walk out the door. Looking back at him over my shoulder, he says, “Thank you.”
I don’t say anything back because what can I possibly say? You’re welcome? He’s going to regret this. I can protect them both physically, but not emotionally. I have very little doubt he’s going to regret this decision, but it is his decision to make, so I go to my bedroom to get things ready.
I attachthe restraints to the bed, and they walk through the door. Heather looks at me with a sweet smile, probably assuming the restraints are for her, like they usually are.
Carter motions for her to sit on the end of the bed, and she does.
“I’ve asked Knox to tie me up. I want to learn how to tolerate your touch.”
Her face shows the same horror I feel about this situation. This is a horrible fucking idea.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
CARTER
Heather turns to me and places her hands behind her back as she always does, without thought, and without judgment.
“Carter, do you see me? I accept you as you are. You don’t need to do this. Please, don’t make me hurt you.”
I swallow hard as the tears fall from her eyes. With the pad of my thumb, I wipe them away, one and then the other.
“Little Heathen, whatever happens, this is my doing. I want to feel your fingers on my skin. I want to not only tolerate it, but enjoy it. Before that can happen, this must come first.”
Knox stares at me with a concerned expression.
“What’s your safe word, Carter?”
I glance at Heather as she chews on her bottom lip nervously. Her expression is screaming for me to stop this insanity, but I can’t. This is not only for me. It’s for her. I desperately want to be the man she needs me to be. She has Knox to give her the things I can’t, but I want to be able to give her this too. I only need to learn to tolerate one person’s touch. Only her. Nobody else matters.
“Church,” I say, and Heather immediately comments.
“That’s better than donut.”
