“Is it just sex? Because it wasn’t to me.” He paused, then muttered, “Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Her heart thundered in her chest, unsure where this was going. All she knew at this moment was the emotion rushing through her, making her stomach pull tight.
He held himself up on one elbow, looking down at her. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put any pressure on you. But, Claudia, Ineed to be honest with you. And maybe now is not the time—I know damn well it’s not. Not after taking you into subspace. But I feel like I’m going to fucking explode if I don’t tell you this.”
His brows were drawn together, and there was so much in his dark, gleaming eyes: light and shadow andfeeling. Hope and fear tangled in her chest like a vine full of both thorns and flowers, and she suddenly felt as if she couldn’t breathe.
“Please don’t,” she begged quietly. She didn’t think she could stand to hear what he might say, good or bad.
“Claudia…” he started, his voice rough.
She could only shake her head helplessly. And wait.
Chapter Eight
Brody saw the fear in her eyes—they were wide, the pupils blown. He knew she was crashing a little, despite how minimal the kink had been, despite her refusing to admit it.
“Claudia,” he repeated, “I know you’re dropping. And I know it may feel different from the subdrop you’ve experienced after heavy kink play. But people crash all the time after sex—it’s the intimacy and vulnerability, and the chemical release that comes with acutely heightened senses, and even more, after an orgasm. And, baby, you squirted for the first time, and that’s huge for most people. I understand you’re in a really vulnerable place right now, but… so am I.”
She blinked a few times. “You are?”
“Yeah. Remember when we discussed aftercare, and I told you I sometimes need it, too?”
“I do remember. Brody, are you alright?” she asked, her face full of concern as she reached up to stroke his cheek, making his heart feel like it was about to burst.
“Yeah, I’m okay. But I need you to know that this was not just sex for me. I don’t mean to scare you. I’m not about to go all stalkery on you, I promise. But that was fucking amazing. You’re fucking amazing. I’ve thought you were so special from the firsttime I met you, more and more each time we talked when I’d come to Dallas, and I’m even more convinced now. Not just because sex with you is off the god damn charts, but because of who you are. How you opened yourself to me, even though it was scary for you. I need to know that this was good for you. That we can explore more, get to know each other more. I can’t keep those thoughts from you. Not after how honest you’ve been with me. After I asked you to be. I owe you transparency, so… this is my truth.”
“Oh…”
She bit her lip and seemed to be processing what he’d said to her. He hoped to god he hadn’t said too much. But he wasn’t the kind of guy to hold back when he felt so strongly about something. And what he was feeling for her was so deep already.
“I really don’t mean to scare you off. That’s the last thing I want.”
“I am a little bit scared, I have to admit,” she said. “Because this was amazing for me, too—it was almost as if you could read my mind, and I don’t know that I’ve experienced anything like it. It felt so, so good. I still feel good. And I feel this weird connection with you. But I need some time to figure things out, to see where this can go.”
“Of course. You take all the time you need. And we end up where we end up. But I will always be honest with you about where I stand.”
“Does this mean you still want to go to the Dungeon with me?” she asked, a little flirtation back in her voice.
“Are you kidding? Hell, yeah! How about tomorrow night? Let’s see how weird we can get,” he answered with a laugh.
She grinned up at him, her brown eyes glazed and shimmering with amber. So damn beautiful. “Oh, god. I’m sorry I said our connection was weird. I just meant… ugh! Can weplease forget I ever said that? And yes, I would very much like to go to the Dungeon with you tomorrow night.”
He pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled right in, her arms going around his body. She smelled so good, like gardenias and sex andwoman.
“Is this what you need?” she asked, burying her face against his chest.
“Yeah. This is it exactly.”
And it was. Not just the close physical touch, but the fact that she’d asked him. That was something no one else had ever done before. This was a lot of firsts for them both, and maybe there was a reason why.
He knew he was getting ahead of himself. He needed to simply enjoy this moment, come down from the high they’d both experienced, and once he was grounded again he could figure things out. But right now all he needed to know was that he’d served her needs, that she wanted to be there with him. And that tomorrow night, they would play in the Dungeon together. He could hardly wait.
Derek had given Brody a tour of the Dungeon, and it was one of the nicest setups he’d ever seen. Everything was spotless, like the rest of the Ranch’s facilities, and the equipment was top-notch. There was a row of St. Andrew’s Crosses, spanking benches, spreader bars suspended from the ceiling by long shining chains, and even a low row of nicely built cages for pet play. There was a wax play area, a fire play area, electrical play equipment, and hard points in the ceiling for rope suspension. Of course, there were first aid and cleaning stations, and the armoires were filledwith racks of play equipment, although he’d brought his own toy bag with him. But he appreciated the thoroughness.
The lighting was dim as he walked in with Claudia. She looked so fucking gorgeous in a tight red dress, her hair piled high on her head, accentuating her long, slender neck.
So perfect to wear my collar.
