“I think I met you around that time.”
“When I was heavier, before I got my thyroid medication and lost the weight, yes?” she said, remembering meeting him the first time, and being self-conscious about the newly extra forty pounds. She’d felt like that with everyone, new acquaintances and people she already knew, because Kenny had made her feel so terrible about herself.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I mean around the time he wasn’t treating you right. I saw it myself at the club in Dallas when I visited. And I saw a progression over time—he got harsher with you, more openly critical. You were so sweet, and he was honestly kind of a dick, and he got worse and worse eachtime I saw the two of you there. I had at least a small glimpse of the way he demeaned you, and I’m so damn sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves to be treated that way. To be honest, it pissed me the fuck off, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. I wish it had been. I wish I’d told him what an asshole he was, that you deserved to be treated with respect. It was hard as hell to turn away from that. I know Arrow had a talk with him once.”
“Did he? They’ve never told me that, Micah or Arrow.”
“They probably didn’t want to worry you with it. It was one night when he said something derogatory to you during a scene, and you were very upset. Micah followed you into the bathroom to comfort you, and that’s when Arrow talked to him. I have no idea what was said, but apparently your ex never came back to the club after that.”
She blinked hard a few times, then lowered her gaze, old emotions flaring: anger, resentment, embarrassment.Hurt. “That was the last time we went to the club.. It was the last night we were together. His words were so cruel. I crashed so hard on the way home, and he wanted nothing to do with me, telling me it was my own fault, of course, because that’s what he always did. It was the final moment when I realized how awful he had been to me for years. How deeply his comments about the way I looked affected me. But there had always been other comments, cutting remarks, always said in such a casual tone… as if it was nothing to him. Little things over the years he’d been picking on me about. Nothing I did was good enough. But that night… it really shook me. I left him the next day and went to Dallas.”
“I imagine that must have taken a lot.”
“It did, yes. He’d knocked my self-esteem down for so long, and I wasn’t feeling very good about myself. Micah helped me so much. She helped me find an apartment, and she and Arrowwere there for me as I was getting settled. I’m honestly surprised I had it in me to leave.”`
“But you did it. You managed to love yourself enough to do what you needed to do. That takes a lot of strength.”
“I suppose so, although it’s difficult to look back and see myself that way. It was hard for a while, trying to just get through each day on my own, after he’d controlled nearly every piece of my life for so long. But I learned some very good lessons, lessons about being independent. About never allowing anyone to treat me that way again.”
She had to stop for a moment. She wished Kenny’s actions didn’t still bother her, but it had gone on for so long, and she felt she’d lost most of her adult years to his manipulation of her. His gaslighting. And she still lived with the realization that what she’d thought was his dominance in the kink scene was nothing more than an ego-driven fetish to dominate, which wasn’t a real power dynamic at all. She was still relearning what a healthy dynamic truly meant. “Anyway, after a time I came here, and found what felt like home for the first time in… well, my entire adult life, perhaps.”
“I’m glad you did.”
She looked up and she had to smile. “So am I.”
“So, what now? Do you have a plan? Hopes? Dreams?”
She let out a small laugh. “You might think it’s silly, but I want to open a little business, a florist shop. That’s my dream, anyway. And if I’m dreaming big, then I dream of having a little plot of land where I can build a greenhouse and grow my flowers and plants myself. I’d love to handcraft things like scented lotions and candles. Have you ever seen the moviePractical Magic, where she opens her little shop with handmade bath and body products? That’s what I want someday. But for now, I’m happy to be here. To continue my healing until I’m truly on my feet.”
“There’s nothing silly about that at all. Seems to me you’ve done a pretty amazing job of it so far. You made the brave decisions and carried them through. That’s not something everyone can do.”
“Oh, I don’t know that I’m particularly brave. I did what I had to.”
“Yeah, you did, but it was still brave.”
Her cheeks heated. “Well, thank you. And thank you for listening to my sad story.”
“I wanted to know. And it had a happy ending, which is the important part, don’t you think? We all go through hard times—some harder than others, of course—but I think if you’re open to learning from those experiences, it can ultimately make for a richer life, for a wider world view, when you come out the other side of it. That’s how it’s been for me, anyway. And”—he paused to grin, that charming dimple flashing in his cheek—“please let me know if I’m getting too existential on you.”
“Not at all. I like that you’re a deep thinker.”
She did. She liked that it felt this easy to talk to him about the hard stuff in her life, that he made her feel that he was actually listening and engaged in the conversation.
They spent the rest of dinner talking about their preferences in music, their favorite movies, how they felt about climate change and other important world matters, and they found they had so many things in common, which surprised her. They were truly on the same page about so many things. Now all that was left to discover were their similarities or differences when it came to kink.
She could hardly wait for that conversation, to fill out the questionnaire he mentioned he’d send to her. As intimidating as it was, she was eager to have their first kink scene. He was so damn handsome, and he’d become even more attractive to her after spending time with him. He seemed like a good man,all the way down to his heavy black boots that spoke of his dominance. She got shivery just thinking about those boots. And yet, he had none of the forced or manufactured alpha-ness her ex—and too many other supposed Doms she’d met at the clubs—had about them. He was simply comfortable in who he was. But that moment when he’d called her “good girl”… those words had sent a wave of heat through her system she couldn’t deny. She couldn’t wait for him to get his hands on her.
“Claudia?” he prompted.
“Hmm? What? Oh. I’m sorry. I was just… thinking.”
“I could see that,” he said with a grin, his dimple flashing again.
Damn it. Was she ever going to see that dimple without being so thoroughly charmed by it? That, and the man’s forearms that looked as if he could break her with one good squeeze.
“What were you saying?” she asked, trying to tamp down the lust that seemed to be driving her thoughts and get back on track with the conversation.
“I was asking if you were ready to get out of here.”
