“Thanks…” I say, the weight of her admission settling over me. But it’s no burden. It’s the opposite. I let her know it is, adding, “It’s an honor. I mean that.”
She picks up an egg roll and takes a bite, chewing as if to distract from the thoughts turning over inside her head. When she sneaks another glance at me, the teasing spark has returned.
“I never expected it to be like that,” she admits. “But it was even better than I imagined. You made me come, Silver. How many women can say that about their first time—their real first time?”
“I’d wager not many knowing how some men half-ass things.”
“You’d be correct. But…” she shrugs, swallowing her latest bite. “No matter what happens between us going forward... I’ll never forget it.”
I go still, struck by what she’s said.
No matter what happens between us going forward.
She says it so calmly, so simply, as if she truly has no expectations. She’s just happy to have experienced that moment between us.
All it does is illustrate the very real feelings we’ve developed for each other. Feelings I never planned for. Damn sure never asked for.
Things can never be the same between us now. In an ideal world, we never would’ve crossed this line in the first place. She’s twenty years old. I’m forty-five. She came to me broken and hurting, and I was supposed to protect her.
Keep her safe. Not fall into bed with her.
…maybe even in love with her.
What’s more, if I’m truly honest with myself, I don’t regret it. Not one damn bit.
How can I, when being around Solana feels like coming up for air after years of drowning? When I genuinely enjoy her company, her laugh, her sharp wit and soft heart?
I care about her more than I’ve cared about another woman in longer than I can remember.
Tonight was the height of pleasure—not just the sex, but giving her something special. Pleasure she deserved. And god, she tasted so sweet. So damn delicious on my tongue.
But I don’t want her to get hurt.
That’s the thing that gnaws at me. The fear that keeps rearing its ugly head. I want to protect her from everything—the fallout from what happened with Kel, the judgments from other people who won’t understand our relationship, my worst enemies who would use her against me in a heartbeat.
Even from myself. From the darkness I carry and the violence that’s woven into the fabric of my life.
I reach over and take her hand, threading my fingers through hers. “No matter what happens from this point forward, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always protect you.”
She squeezes my hand with zero hesitation, the faintest smile at the corner of her lips. “I know. I know you will.”
My phone buzzes on the nightstand, disrupting the moment.
I almost ignore it ’til I see the text on the locked screen. It’s from Tito alerting me about an emergency.
There’s been a situation, vice prez. Mace and Cash were attacked.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath.
Solana sits up straighter, concern flickering across her face. “What is it?”
I’m already sliding out of bed, grabbing my jeans from the floor and pulling them on. “Club business. Something’s come up.”
I hate doing this to her. It was a constant in my marriage to Rachel; club-related issues disrupting our lives and me running off to go handle it.
Eventually, Rachel grew tired of it. In hindsight, she had every right to, even if she didn’t have a right to cheat the way she did.
Solana nods, though worry knits her brows. The questions she’s not asking.
