“Why?” I demand, stepping toward him.
He seems completely thrown I’d be so direct. “Because you’re... you’re too young for me. Way too young.”
“I’m an adult!”
“You’re half my age, Solana. You’re a just a girl.”
As if the sting of rejection couldn’t get any worse.
A girl.
After everything we’ve shared. After the deep conversations we’ve had and the way he kissed me—I’mjusta girl to him?
“A girl?” I repeat, fast tears burning my eyes. “Is that what this has all been about? You helping me because you see me as some poor little defenselessgirl?”
“No, that’s not what I meant?—”
“That’s exactly what it sounds like! I… I thought you were my friend. I thought you actually cared about me. That you saw me as an equal!”
“Idosee you as an equal?—”
“No you don’t! You see avictim. A broken little girl who needs a big strong man to fight her battles,” I shout in disbelief. Then, suddenly, everything clicks into place, and I release a wry laugh. “That’s what you meant in the stockroom, wasn’t it? At Tom Cutler’s welcome home party? What you said about not letting him get away with it? You’re planning to go after Kel because you think I need your protection.”
I half expect Silver to at least deny the accusation. But he doesn’t. He releases a deep sigh and remains silent, confirming what I’ve said is true.
“I don’t need you to fight for me,” I say, backing toward the door. “I’m not weak. I don’t need your pityoryour protection.”
“Solana, please—” He reaches for my hands but I smack him away.
“Stay away from me, Silver. And stay away from Kel. Stay out of all of it. I’m serious, okay?”
I flee from his house before he can even make another move to stop me, promising that it’ll be the last time.
This friendship we’ve formed and connection we’ve found is over.
The hallways at Wheaton U feel like a gauntlet. Every glance from other students makes my skin crawl. My anxiety shoots up to new, untold levels.
Are they looking at me because they know? Because they saw me that night, stumbling and helpless? A drugged idiot making a fool out of herself?
Or am I just paranoid now, seeing judgment everywhere?
Two girls whisper as I pass, their eyes tracking me. A group of guys by the vending machines goes quiet when I walk by. I clutch my book bag straps tighter, keeping my head down, just trying to make it through another day.
But it’s become increasingly difficult.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ketamine.
The word loops in my brain like a broken record. You don’t accidentally ingest ketamine. Someone puts it in your drink. Someone makes the choice for you. Someone decided I didn’t get to sayno.
I’ve been avoiding processing any of it, using Silver as my escape. Our nightly calls, the sound of his voice as he encouraged me and made me hope things would get better.
That’s why I couldn’t tell him about the clinic’s call at the party. Saying it aloud would make it real.
But now Silver and I aren’t talking. We probably won’t ever talk again, which means I’ve lost my escape route.
So the truth sits on my chest like a weight, making it harder to breathe.
