I tug at the baggy material self-consciously. I’m on my fourth oversized sweater this week, drowning my frame. It’s not a fashion choice. The bruises on my arms haven’t faded yet, purple-yellow marks I don’t remember getting.
There’re more on my ribs, my hips, and throat. My body’s like a map of Saturday night, but I can’t read any of the landmarks.
We drive in silence. I stare out the window at Pulsboro rolling by—the same strip malls and fast food places I’ve seen my whole life.
I clear my throat, desperate to fill the silence. Desperate to stop giving my anxious thoughts power to ruin a moment I’ve thought about for months.
A date with Kel Greene.
“So… what do you think about Professor Harmon’s class? That last paper was rough.”
He shrugs, barely glancing over. “I don’t. You know I barely show up.”
“Right,” I say, forcing a smile. “I forgot.”
He laughs suddenly, like the topic’s funny. “I worked out a deal with Yvette though. She does all my assignments for me. Girl’s desperate for attention, you know? Makes it easy.”
Silence falls back over the car as I draw another shaky breath and my stomach churns some more. It feels unsettled, like I’m about to be sick.
Is this how first dates are supposed to feel?
I haven’t been on many dates, but even those awkward coffee meetups freshman year weren’t like this. Those guys were nervous, fumbling, trying too hard.
Kel’s totally relaxed, one hand on the wheel, tapping along to whatever’s playing on his music app like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
Nothing serious is on his mind, while I’m left wondering about Saturday night.
What happened after I fell on the sidewalk? Did I ask to come back to Kel’s place? Did we have…
I have to know. Good or bad. Once and for all.
“Kel,” I say slowly, “what happened Saturday night?”
He glances over at me with a brow raised like he’s questioning if I’m being serious. Then the grin’s back on his face as his gaze returns to the road. “You for real don’t remember? None of it?”
“Just bits and pieces… mostly from the start of the night. It all starts to get fuzzy during the club.”
“We had a good time. Stayed ’til the place was about to close.”
“And I… fell down?”
He laughs at the memory. “Yeah, a few times. I had you though. Gave you a piggyback ride to the car.”
“You… you did?”
“Lana, you really don’t remember?”
I can’t even bring myself to answer, I’m so confused. His hand falls to my lap, his fingers gripping at the width of my thigh and giving it a squeeze.
“Hey, we had fun,” he says. “You asked to come back to my place. We went upstairs for some privacy.”
“And we…” I pause to swallow against the sick feeling in my stomach. “We had sex?”
“Damn, I can’t believe you don’t remember. You were real into it. Had me thinking sweet little Solana wasn’t so innocent after all,” he chuckles. “If I’d known sooner...”
I remain quiet as we pull into the lot for the movie theater, my mind reeling from what he’s said.
None of it eases my worries; if anything, it makes it so much worse.
