“How are you feeling right now?” I ask Henley as he cruises on the highway toward Charlotte. We just finished dropping off Remy to Carol and Nick, and the clench of his jaw hasn’t left since we did.
“I feel like I’m missing a body part.”
Trying not to laugh at his turmoil, I reach out and stroke his arm. “It definitely feels weird without her here.”
“I know I’ll relax more once we get to the stadium, but leaving her was a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
“You leave her with me to go to work all the time,” I counter, trying to help him through his struggle.
“Yeah, but I know I’ll see her at the end of the day. I won’t see her tonight after the game. I won’t get to read to her.” Suddenly, he starts laughing. “Fucking Rhonan.”
“Okay…That was a weird time to bring him up.”
He leans back against his seat more, his hand still draped over the top of the steering wheel as his lips curl up into a lopsided grin. “Thefirst night I had Remy, he told me how he tries to never miss an opportunity to read to Ellis. I thought he was crazy because she’s five. It’s not like she’s going to remember if he missed reading to her for a night.” Shaking his head, he continues, “And now here I am, feeling guilty because I’m going to miss one night of reading to Remy, and she’s four and a half months old.”
I rub his shoulder. “That guilt doesn’t mean you aren’t a good father, Henley. Trust me, you are. That little girl is so lucky to have you, but you’re right. She won’t remember this night, so don’t beat yourself up too much.”
He casts his gaze over to me for a split second, reaching for my hand on his shoulder and then bringing it to his lips, kissing the top of it. “I wouldn’t be half of the father I am now if it weren’t for you, El.”
Cue the heart-eyed emoji.
“Yes, you would be. I’m beginning to think that your role as a father is something you avoided, but you were actually meant for.”
His smile falls, but he nods. “I honestly can barely remember my life before you and Remy came into it, and part of me is glad.” He blows out a breath. “Fuck, it feels good to admit that.”
“Anything else you want to admit to me while you’re on a roll?”
He huffs out a laugh. “Is that your way of telling me that it’s time to use my words again?”
I shrug, twisting in my seat to face him a bit more. “Maybe.”
Henley grows quiet for a beat. “What do you want to know?”
I decide to ask him something that’s been weighing on my mind. “You said you’ve never been in a relationship before, but does that mean that you’ve never had feelings for a woman before either?”
I can see the tick in his jaw as he contemplates his reply. “I mean, nothing that made me question things like you do.” My pulse spikes, but I don’t say anything—because at least he’s being honest aboutwhere he’s at with me, which only makes my impending decisions about my life mount themselves on my chest more. “There were a few girls in high school that I thought I was falling for. Cara was the first. We were juniors and she was a cheerleader. I actually lost my virginity to her,” he says, chuckling at the memory. “But we never labeled our relationship. One day at lunch, she mentioned wanting to go to college in California, ironically enough, and that’s when I decided that she was leaving, so there was no reason to grow attached to her.”
“Leave before you get left.”God, sounds like our situation.
“Exactly. Then after high school, I was hooking up with another girl. She got really into smoking pot, like it became her entire personality. And look—who am I to judge a grown adult for how they choose to live their life or take off the edge? But after what I witnessed with my parents and drugs and how quickly that all spiraled, that was the last thing I wanted in my life, so I dumped her.”
“No one after her then?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. No one worth mentioning, anyway.”
“And then after you got injured and recuperated, you…”
“Focused on doing something with my life. That’s when I started working at the lodge, and I told myself that I didn’t have time for a relationship.”
“Do you still feel that way?” I ask wearily.
He glances at me again, putting his eyes back on the road after only a few seconds. “No.”
And that one word was all I needed to hear from him.
***
“I can’t believe they’re not gonna call pass interference on that!” Rhonan tosses his hands in the air as he stares down at the field from our box suite. “Even Fletcher is asking the refs for the call!”
