“I want to say that I understand, but I don’t. I didn’t have parents that cared at all, El. In fact, at one point, I stopped caring too.”
Remembering the lack of concern he got from his parents makes me feel guilty for being irritated by mine. “Do—do you know what happened to them?”
He shakes his head. “No. Dilynne and I made a promise to each other to never go looking for the answer.”
“I don’t know if I could do that, if I could live my life without knowing if they were dead or alive.”
He stares up at me, pushing my hair behind my ear. “That’s because you have parents who love you, who were there every day while you were growing up. When you have to raise yourself, you begin to realize there are other things that matter more. Dilynne was the only person I was concerned about. In fact, I still am from time to time because the girl does like to push boundaries.”
I laugh. “I can only imagine.”
“But that’s not to say that you should feel any sort of obligation to them for how you live your life just because they were there. If Nick and Carol had told me not to buy the ski lodge, I wouldn’t have listened to them.”
“Really? I thought…”
“Did they take in me and my sister when we needed them? Yes. But I don’t owe them anything for that.” His statement has me confused, because he almost sounds like there’s a double meaning to his words. “The only opinion that matters is mine, and therefore, yours. You’re the one that has to look yourself in the mirror every day and like the person looking back at you.”
“Doyoulike the person you see in the mirror, Henley?” For a second, I wonder if the question crossed a line, but he surprises me with his answer.
“No,” he says, his eyes locked on mine before they move across my face and down my neck. “The man I see in the mirror has a lotof growing up to do. He’s got to own the mess he’s made with his emotions, take responsibility for the shit he’s been running from.” His grip tightens on my waist, pulling me flush against him, and I feel him growing hard beneath me. “He’s also a man that wants to defile his nanny, even though he promised to be on his best behavior.”
“I think his nanny would very much like to be defiled.”
He licks a trail up my neck, nibbling at my earlobe and sending tremors through me. “The first time I fuck you, I want to know that you’re ready for it.”
“I promise, I’m ready,” I pant, grateful for the change in topic because the ache between my legs has been intensifying for days and getting harder to ignore. “Please, Henley…”
He hums as he closes his eyes. “Fuck, don’t start begging, sweetheart. I’m not going to be able to control myself.”
I grind my pussy against his cock. “Is that what you’ve been doing since you kissed me? Controlling yourself?”
“You have no idea how much,” he grates out.
Leaning back with his hands still on my hips, I say words I’ve wanted to since the night of our admissions. “Well, how about you show me what it looks like when you lose control?”
The clench in his jaw is so sexy that I have to force myself not to strip him down myself and ride him until we’re both screaming. My sex drive has been non-existent for months, but Henley has made me want to be vulnerable again, to seek out pleasure with someone who makes me feel comfortable.
And even though I feel like we’ve been walking on eggshells around each other for weeks, I now know it’s because Henley’s been fighting this just as hard as I have.
But I don’t care about the consequences anymore.
I see the moment his decision flashes through his eyes. Then he’s lifting me in his arms and setting me on my feet before loosening the drawstring of my sweats. “This is about you, not me. Got it?”
I nod, breathless, watching him pull my pants from my legs and throw them across the room before guiding me back down onto the couch and pushing my legs open, dropping to his knees in front of me. “I’m gonna lick this pussy clean, and then you’re going to bed before I take things too far.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t trust myself not to, and you deserve better than that.” He peers up at me from the floor. “We both do. This is different with you, Elodie.”
Even though I want to argue with him, I know he’s right. With the way I’m feeling right now, I’d probably let this man do anything he wants to me, but that’s not the smart way to approach this shift in our dynamic. And he’s right that this is different—everything about my connection with him is surreal.
“Okay,” I answer him as he drops his nose to my underwear and presses his face against me.
“Fuck, El. I can’t wait to taste you.”
“Yes, please. God, Henley. Touch me.”
He looks up at me, his head still between my legs and the sight alone of him in this position is almost enough to make me come. My body is shaking, my underwear drenched from my arousal, and I know without a doubt that this orgasm is going to come on fast.
