“Truly? Sister, I will not stand in the way of a love match, but I would urge you not to marry him just because he is willing. That is no foundation for matrimony.”
Such presumption! Rage boiled up inside her as she stared at him in disbelief. “No foundation for matrimony? And what foundation did you have when you offered for Rowena? She was better than the supercilious daughters of the nobility, that was all. You proposed to her on the spur of the moment — a mere whim! What do you know of Simon… or of me, for that matter? Nothing at all! So do not presume to judge either of us.”
He flushed uncomfortably. “I beg your pardon. I did not mean… I only thought… let me talk to him, that is all, and then I will have an answer for you. Sophia, all I want is your happiness, nothing more than that. If he is the man you would choose above all others, then I will not stand in your way, but I would not have you grasp at any possibility for a husband, that is all. But if you truly like him—”
“I do! I do like him,” she said, and the tears, so recently conquered, were not far from the surface again. “You would like him too, if you were to view him dispassionately, as a man, and not as a rival in this absurd competition of yours. He is notodd,Richard. He may not be quite like you, but he is none the worse for that.”
“You are right, of course,” he said gently. “I will try to see him as you do, I promise you, and if he is the man to make you happy, then he will have my blessing.”
“And my dowry?”
He smiled. “That too.”
***
Simon sat motionless in the little gallery for a long time, his thoughts churning and his pulse tumultuous. Such madness to allow himself to be drawn into temptation. He should never have gone there at all, never have held Sophie and certainly he should never have kissed her, but now that he had, he was held fast in her spell, so sweet and affectionate as she was. If only he could marry her! If only…
Down below, Godley’s humming stopped. The chapel door opened and closed a few times, as some of the servants trickled in for the noon prayers. Then a waft of perfume as some of the ladies came in, followed by Godley’s voice intoning the prayers, and a low murmur of responses. Simon found himself saying the familiar words under his breath, too. It was a comfort, in all the turmoil of his mind, to be part of the brief service, to know that even though he had behaved badly and surrendered to weakness, God understood his heart and forgave him his trespasses.
The service was soon ended, and the chapel fell into silence once more. Heartened, Simon made his way towards his own room, where at least he could hide away and think about Sophie and remember the joy of holding her tight.
He had not taken three steps when he was hailed by Froggett.
“One moment, sir!” he said, puffing up behind Simon. “If you would be so good, sir… Mr Merrington would be… obliged if you could… spare him a few moments… of your time, if convenient… and attend him… in his study.”
Simon could not help smiling at the butler, struggling to maintain his dignity while trying to catch his breath, but he said only, “Of course. Thank you, Froggett.”
He found Merrington staring out of the window at the light rain painting the gardens a bleak grey.
“You wished to speak to me?”
Merrington turned and regarded him thoughtfully. “You have offered for Sophia.”
“Um… not precisely.”
“Then whatpreciselyhas passed between you? She told me you wished to marry her.”
“Indeed I do… if I could. I have explained to her why it is impossible.”
“Then explain it to me, Payne, because although Sophia does not need my permission to marry you — or anyone else — she needs my approval to release her dowry.”
“I cannot possibly marry Sophia, or anyone, since I have not a farthing to my name. Well, that is not quite true. To be precise, I have eighty-seven pounds ten shillings and fourpence remaining from the last gift from my mother and my winnings at the duke’s whist table, but nothing more. I live on my sister’s charity, for the most part. I could not conceivably afford a wife.”
Merrington gave a huff of surprise. “That is honest, at any event. So what were you doing talking about marriage to her?”
“She was despondent at Torbuck’s defection, thinking she would never find a man who wanted to marry her. I intended merely to reassure her that there is at least one man who would love to marry her, if money were not an issue. She seemed to think that her dowry would solve the problem. Although Ithought I was very clear that it would not, it seems she believes otherwise.”
Merrington gazed at him, nodding slightly. “Why do you want to marry her?”
Simon’s breath caught at such directness. “For the usual reasons, I suppose.”
Merrington smiled. “Which are what,precisely?”
“Precisely… how hard it is to be precise about… about one’s emotional state. I know to the penny how much is in my purse, but what is in my heart? That I cannot say, not with precision.”
The smile widened. “That is very true. I find it hard to put into words just what I feel about my wife and daughter. I only know that I could not bear to live without them. I was terrified that Rowena would die in childbed, and that fear hung over me like a black cloud. Now, I am so grateful, I feel light-headed with relief. But when I met her, I offered for her… not on a whim, exactly, but on the spur of the moment. I had to marry, and Cousin Hester had whistled up three appalling daughters of an earl. Rowena was the serene antidote to their screeching arrogance. When she said she was going to leave, I offered for her on the spot. I was not in love with her, not then, it was not even a rational decision. I just knew I wanted her to be part of my life. So I do understand how difficult it can be to express feelings in words, Payne, but I need to be sure that you will take good care of Sophia, if she were to marry you.”
“It is impossible!” Simon said, shocked. “You cannot want your sister to marry a penniless man.”
