“But—?”
“I know I talked about an annuity, which would have been lovely, but Aunt Tabitha left me a sum of money and most of it is gone, frittered away to no good effect, it appears, on your articles. If we do not find another source of income soon, we shall be obliged to take in lodgers, and I suppose you will complain thatthatis not conducive to your work, either. Well, if you want the peace and quiet, you had better find a paying client for your designs, Simon, and if you want to eat, I suggest you put that handsome face of yours to work and find yourself a well-dowered wife.”
So saying, she swept imperiously from the room, leaving him shocked and bemused in equal measure. No wonder she was so keen for him to marry! This needed some thinking about… no, there was nothing to think about. He still could not in good conscience offer for Sophia Merrington, when he had not a penny to his name. It was utterly wrong, but he could not help wondering… what would happen if he were to do so? Would she even accept him, and if he were to marry her…? It was a strange thought.
He had always assumed that all women were managing females, as Juliet was, but she at least understood his need for aquiet life so that he could concentrate on his work. A wife would be far more intrusive, although he had to admit that Miss Sophia Merrington was not a disruptive sort of female. She did not chatter all the time, and when she did talk, it was to ask sensible questions or make rational points, such as when she had seen the orangery as a place to entertain guests. That had sparked all manner of ideas in his mind! She was more like a muse to him, whereas most women were irritants, like persistent bluebottles who would not leave a man alone.
His final thought was that if he had to marry at all, he could do far worse than Sophia Merrington. She was his friend, after all, and he could at least talk to her, could he not? He could test the waters and see if he could divine whether she might be receptive to an offer from him. After all, if she had formed an attachment to him, he would be obliged to marry her, would he not? Then it would become the honourable thing to do.
Throwing aside the bed covers, he dressed quickly and took the stairs two at a time. She was not in the breakfast parlour, nor in any of the public rooms in that wing of the house. Nor was Mrs Merrington there, or anyone who might know where to find her.
He wandered about the house for some time until he chanced on the Great Gallery, and there she was, on the same seat where he had found her yesterday. The scene was very different now. Only a few lamps were lit, far down the gallery where a couple of housemaids on their knees were scrubbing away the last of the chalk dust from the floor. Two footmen were removing chairs in a desultory fashion. Sophia’s exuberantly swinging legs were gone, too, now decorously still on the floor, and her hands sat motionless in her lap. As for her face, he had never seen such a woebegone expression.
“Why so sad, Miss Merrington?”
“Oh… oh, Mr Payne. Good morning… or is it afternoon already?”
“I believe it is past the noon hour,” he said, sitting down beside her.
“Everything is so flat the day after a ball,” she said disconsolately, her head drooping. “After all the anticipation, and then the event itself… it is all over. Finished. Gone for ever.”
“But still in your memory,” he said. “You may reflect upon your triumphs of last night with some satisfaction. You stood up for almost every dance, after all.”
She turned her face fully towards him, and he was struck by how pale she was. “Is that your definition of a triumph, sir?” A little smile washed across her face, almost instantly vanishing. “I wish it were so. Oh, do not mistake me, for I enjoyed myself prodigiously and was fortunate in having agreeable partners. Well… most of them, anyway.”
“Not the short, fat one who never said a word.”
She giggled. “Oh yes, Mr Withers! He was not very easy to talk to, it is true. And there was Mr Caplin, who prosed on forever about his new horse. And the clergyman who kept apologising for his missteps, although he was funny, in his way. One does meet some odd people, sometimes.”
“There was one who solicited you for a second dance.”
“There was! Lord Daniel… oh, what was his name? Torbuck, that was it. I wrote them all down as soon as I got back to my room, so that I could remember.”
“For the next letter to… who is the fortunate recipient who will be told of the ball?”
“Charlotte, but there is too much to put in one letter, even though it will be franked. Apparently there are adozenpeers of the realm in the house at present, and a couple of Members of Parliament, too, so there is not the least difficulty in getting a letter franked. Or several letters… I expect it will take three or four to my sisters to convey every detail of the evening properly.”
“What isproperly, Miss Merrington?”
“One must name all one’s partners, naturally, and describe each one, and who they danced with after. Then there are the other young ladies, and whotheydanced with. And then there are the ladies’ gowns and jewels to be listed in full, especially any detail which is especially fashionable that might be copied. Naturally, there are all manner of other incidents to be related which might interest or amuse them, like the footman who spilt red wine down someone’s very fancy waistcoat, did you see that? There was an older lady who fell and showed a great deal more than she would have liked to, I am sure. Oh, and the girl who did not know the steps and her partner was valiantly whispering‘Left!’or‘Right!’, and she invariably went the wrong way and bumped into that supercilious fellow… Lord James Something. And then she apologised for quite half an hour and he said,‘It is of no consequence, madam’,at least a dozen times, although he was very cross and went quite red in the face in the effort to be polite. It was so funny.” She paused, and then looked up at him with a shy smile. “Remembering all this has quite cheered me up, Mr Payne. Thank you.”
“I am very glad of it. You were so looking forward to the ball that it was very upsetting to see you so downcast. Perhaps before long there will be a ball at Staineybank to look forward to?”
“I do not think so, for the duchess is still in mourning for her little boy, and besides, there is no ballroom there. There is not even a gallery! It would have to be a very small ball. But you are quite right — I should not be downhearted, since I had a splendid evening, all your wonderful drawings will remind me of the occasion and there will certainly be balls in the future — the Brinchester assemblies start again after Easter. Yes, I shall think about that and not sad things. After all, I should be inured to disappointment by now.”
“Was it such a disappointment?” he said tentatively, wondering if he was walking into a quagmire by asking, but toocurious to refrain. She was his friend, after all, and he wanted to know everything about her.
“A little. One always hopes, you see, that there will be consequences. One dances and one might even have a partner who embodies all that is agreeable in a man, and so one hopes… and sometimes, after the assemblies at Norwich, there would be a caller the next morning. There he would be, sidling into the drawing room with a posy of flowers or perhaps a book of poems by the particular poet he had mentioned the night before, and there would be wine handed round and cakes, and he would stay perhaps even longer than the customary fifteen minutes. And that would be the end of it. One might pass him in the street a month or two later, and exchange bows and move on as near strangers. Even if a man seems keen enough by candlelight, in the full light of day he becomes insubstantial and fades away to nothing. Or perhaps it is I who fades away, who knows?”
“Poor Sophia!” he said softly, unthinkingly taking her hand in his. “Are you so keen to marry?”
“Of course! What other respectable occupation is there for a woman? We cannot take up a profession, as a man might. If we are forced to work, we must become dreary governesses or companions, and even if we are lucky enough not to be brought so low, we remain dependent on a father or brother forever. Richard is very good and, despite his grumbles about the expense of four unmarried sisters, he would never turn us out. But now that he is married, we are of less and less importance to him, becoming eventually merely the spinster aunts to his children, who will save him the cost of a governess. I want my own home, Mr Payne. I want to be a wife and mother and mistress of my own establishment, someone of importance in my own world, however small that world might be, and not merely a peripheral part of someone else’s life.”
“Even peripheral parts may lead useful, productive lives,” he said. “And happy lives, too, I wager. You are not unhappy, are you?” She shook her head. “Do your sisters feel this way too?”
“They do. We are of one mind on the matter, and yet not one of us has ever received even a single offer. What is wrong with us? What is it about us that renders us repulsive to the male sex?”
That was one misapprehension which could not be allowed to stand. He was not sure if it was wise, but he must… hemustspeak to reassure her. “Nothing! There is nothing at all repulsive about any one of you, and a man must be blind not to see all your good qualities. You have been unfortunate, perhaps, Sophia, in never meeting the one man who looks beneath the surface, and sees not merely one pretty girl amongst any number of other girls almost as pretty, but the beauty within… who appreciates your goodness and quick mind and strong character. And even if a man understands what a treasure you are, he may not be in a position to do anything about it. Honour and the disparities of rank or wealth may keep him from speaking. But never doubt that you are admired… you are very much admired…”
