Now that was gone, and even her emergency plan to marry Ulric Frith had flown out of the window. She would be penniless and would be a prisoner all her life.
She could not summon the energy to go anywhere, to do anything. She could not go to Birchall for fear of meeting Tom or, even worse, the poultry maid. There was no point in going to stay with Lady Tarvin at Harfield, or with Josie at Throxfield, or even Aunt and Uncle Lochmaben, because the walls would press her just as close anywhere else.
Nor could she sit tamely with the other females in the parlour, so she often took her cloak and found a secluded corner of the gardens where she could sit and be miserable by herself. There was a small sunken garden with arbours built into the surrounding wall where she could shelter from whatever wind or rain the skies saw fit to inflict on her. Somehow, the days were all filled now with wind and rain, with not a ray of sunlight to be seen. Even the fountain in the centre of the little garden was still and silent, as if in sympathy with her mood. There she huddled day after day, pondering her future and finding no answers.
Here it was that Edward found her one morning.
“I have caught up with you at last,” he said cheerfully, sitting down beside her. “What an elusive girl you are, Tess Nicholson! I began to think you had grown wings and flown away.”
“If only I could,” she muttered.
“Why is the fountain not working? I am sure I have seen it splashing away cheerfully.”
“It is broken. Kent will mend it. He has done so before.” Her legs were stretched out on the bench, but now she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “Go away, Edward. Why are you still here, anyway? You have ruined my life — is that not enough for you?”
“I want to make your life better, Tess,” he said gently.
“Nothing you could possibly do could make my life better!”
“Then make your own life better. What do you want, more than anything?”
She laughed. “Are you serious? I want Tom Shapman!”
“Then take him. Go down to Birchall village and seduce him away from his wife. You have the power to do that, if you truly want to.”
For a moment, for a very brief moment, she actually considered the idea. To have Tom with her for always! And who cared if he was married to someone else?
Shecared, she discovered. Marrying a woodworker was one thing, but running away with him when he had a wife was just wrong. She could not do it. Even telling herself she hated the poultry maid, she could not do it. Ruby, that was her name, and no doubt she loved Tom just as Tess did, and she had won him fair and square. And what would it say about Tom if he were willing to leave his wife? She would not want a man who could so easily desert her.
“No,” she said slowly. “Even I have some moral standards.”
That made Edward laugh. “You astonish me. Well, then, what else do you want? Because whatever it is, if it takes money, I can make it happen.”
She swung her legs to the ground in sudden excitement. “I want to be a highwayman.”
That made him laugh even more. “A highwaywoman, you mean. Great heavens, Tess, I did not expect that! What would we need? Masks and cloaks, of course. A pair of—”
“We?”
“Of course. You do not imagine for one moment that I would miss out on an adventure like that, do you? If I am going to be hanged, and clearly in your company that is inevitable, it might as well be for something exciting. Pistols, then, and a good, fast horse each. We will probably need a base somewhere, because I suspect sleeping under hedges would become tiresome in the winter. A remote cottage, perhaps, where our nocturnal activities would be unobserved, but quite close to the turnpike. Oh, do you have a particular road in mind? It might be as well to give a wide berth to your home area to avoid the embarrassment of holding up your own mother.”
“Or yours,” she said, grinning.
“No, that would be an essential part of the enterprise, holding up my mother at regular intervals. I should enjoy that excessively.”
He looked suddenly fierce, and she had a curious feeling of affinity with him. She was not the only one who disliked her own mother!
“Do you think we would be hanged?” she said. “They would have to catch us first.”
“To be honest, being hanged would be the least of our worries, Tess. I cannot be the only man who travels with a loaded pistol at the ready. A far more likely end is a bullet through the heart. I am quite prepared to risk it, if it wouldamuse you, but I should hate to see you die young, my love. I should not particularly like to meet my own end that way, but if it were you…”
“Then we will not do it,” she said at once. “I am not quite ready to die yet, although I should like to learn to shoot. Will you teach me?”
“I would love to, but I would need your mother’s permission.”
Tess groaned in frustration. “It always comes down to that! I cannot do this or that because Mama would not approve. How can I ever be free of her?”
He slid closer to her on the bench, taking her hand in his and gently stroking the back of it. “You know the answer to that, my darling. If we were married, we could do as we pleased, go where we want, be whatever we want to be.” She pulled a face, and he went on, “It could be a secret marriage, if you wish.”
