“I felt I was… unwelcome. You have been very distant ever since she was born.”
“I was so disappointed in myself, and of course I was sure that I was a disappointment to you, too. You should have ravished me a lot sooner, you know. Or at least told me what was in your heart. It would have made me very happy.”
“Would it? When you were still uncertain if you had made the right choice?”
“Of course it would!” Her arms tightened around him. “If I had known that you were happy… that you wantedmeand not just sons, then I would never even have begun to wonder how things might have been different. You cannot imagine what it is like, Ian, to feel that one has failed in one’s principal duty.”
“Why do women imagine that men only want them so they will have sons? There might be some for whom that is a consideration, perhaps, if the only heir is some obnoxious cousin, but every man wants a wife he can be proud of.” Then he remembered Marsden, and corrected himself. “Most men, anyway. A wife who turns heads when she walks into a room. A wife who makes other men look at him and think him the world’s luckiest fellow. But also a wife who will amuse him, or calm him down when he is in a rage, or cheer him up when he is down. A wife who will make his house a home he never wants to leave. A wife who will still be with him when they are both old and grey, and still able to make him laugh, still able to surprise him. You will always surprise me, darling Izzy. You light up my life like a display of fireworks and I want to be dazzled by you forever.”
“Fireworks… how very apt! I am always exploding, after all. Whereas you are… a rock.”
“Boring, you mean?”
“I think we have established that you are not in the least boring,” she said, with a gurgle of merriment. “It is a compliment, Ian. A rock is a thing one clings to, to avoid beingswept away by treacherous currents. A rock is a solid place amid quicksand. A rock is always steady underfoot, or overhead, creating a safe place, like a cave.”
“But rock can also wall you into your cave, Izzy, and that was the one thing I never wanted to do, tocageyou. I wanted you to be free to be yourself forever — to go where you want to go, to do whatever pleases you, without hindrance.”
“Without you?”
That brought a spasm of pain. “Yes, if that is your preference. But I would always rather be with you —always.”
“Then let it be so,” she whispered. “I like this new, passionate husband — I like him very much. I should like to have him with mealways.And no creeping away in the middle of the night, either. It is very pleasant to wake up with you beside me.”
“Is it?” he said wonderingly.
“It is. Have I ever once, in any way, suggested otherwise?”
“No, but I thought… I assumed…”
“We both assumed things about the other that turned out to be quite wrong. We must do better in future, husband. We musttalkto each other about things that matter… feelings and hopes and what we like about our marriage. Apart from the obvious things.”
“Kisses and such like?”
She gurgled with laughter. “And such like, yes. I like it when you chase after me, for instance. That makes me feel… wanted.Needed.I like to see you sitting at the other end of the table at dinner when we entertain, watching me. I like our evening walks.I like it when you give me extra money, although… am I horridly expensive, Ian?”
“No, not at all.”
“But you give me such an enormous allowance, and then all the extras and jewels and little gifts you buy me. And all the things I break,” she added in a low voice.
“I have no objection to a few breakages,” he said. “It is a small price to pay, and I quite enjoy your storms. You are so incredibly beautiful when you are in a temper, my sweet. But that reminds me…I redeemed your pendant from Garthwaite. It is only a trinket, but I quite like it.”
“It was the first piece you gave me after we were betrothed.”
“It was. How enterprising of you to leave it with Garthwaite, and how generous he was. Five hundred pounds!” He chuckled. “Twice its worth, at least.”
“I have not spent all of it,” she said. “I will give you all that I have left.”
“Keep it.”
“But I do not want to bankrupt you, when you are so careful with money.”
“Do you know how much I am worth, Izzy?”
“Six thousand a year.”
“That was what I inherited when I was fourteen, but apart from Stonywell and my education, I had no expenses to speak of. All the other properties were leased out, the steward brought in some improvements to the land, and my investments were more profitable than expected. Then there was your dowry, so my income now is in excess of ten thousand a year. Even with the London house opened up and the additional expenses of entertaining and so on, I still spend little more than half of it. So feel free to break a few plates if you want to.”
She gazed at him, wide-eyed with astonishment. “I had no idea.”
