“You are not making much sense, Walter.”
The lips curled upwards again. “I suppose not.”
He sat up a little straighter, stretching out his legs. Goodness, he was tall! His feet nearly touched the opposite wall. Winnie had a sudden memory of when they were children, and this tree house had seemed so large. They had all squeezed into it — herself and Walter, Eustace, Josie and Kent, Bertram and Lucas, even Hebe and Mabel. Not Izzy. Even then, she was too grand for tree houses. Not the younger ones, or at least she could not remember them at all. Mostly, what she remembered was Walter and Eustace. They were the leaders, the oldest, the biggest and strongest. Everything revolved around them, and later, for her, it was all about Walter.
He sighed again. “It never occurred to me that you would marry,” he said, his voice low again. “You were a fixed part of my life, my good friend, my verybestfriend, and I stupidly thought you would always be there. And then along comes Lomax and steals you away from me… taking my friend far away, to… somewhere in the south.”
“Oxfordshire.”
“Yes. Far, far away. I am happy for you, Winnie, truly I am, and you deserve a man like him who can keep you in comfort for the rest of your life. For all I make fun of him, and despite his ditherings, he is a good man at heart. He will not throw away his fortune at the gambling table, or go chasing after other women. And the fact that he keeps coming back means that he truly loves you, so that shows commendable good sense. Once he is settled and married to you, he will be as steady as a rock. I am just miserable for me, that is all.”
Winnie considered that with a sinking heart. His best friend. That was not a bad way to be considered, but it was a long wayfrom what she had hoped. Still, she could set his mind at rest on one point.
“I am not going to marry Mr Lomax.”
His head shot round to face her so quickly that she was showered with little drops from his wet hair. “Not? Truly?”
“Truly.”
“But why ever not?”
“A dozen reasons, at least, but mainly because of the horrid kiss.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Winnie, that is the most ridiculous reason I ever heard.”
“It is not the kiss itself, precisely, it is more what it tells me. Walter, I could perhaps live with Mr Lomax’s other failings — perhaps — if I cared for him, but I cannot marry a man for whom I feel nothing.”
“Nothing?” There was a strange look in his eyes that she could not interpret.
“You showed me that when you almost kissed me.”
He gave a wry laugh. “That! I should not have done it, Winnie. It was quite wrong of me.”
“No, no! It was the best thing you could have done, for you showed me what a kissoughtto be. Not horrid and rough and unpleasant, but gentle and… andtender. That is the word. You, who see me as nothing more than a friend, showed me more tenderness than Mr Lomax, who professes to love me. So you see, I cannot possibly marry him, not now I know the difference.”
“You liked it?” he whispered. “When we did not even kiss?”
She wriggled herself round, so that she was kneeling, facing him. So close! If she reached out her hand, she could touch him…
“I liked it very much,” she said softly. “I should like more of it… a great deal more, and none of Mr Lomax’s rough ways. Howcan I possibly marry a man who cannot even kiss me lovingly? So I shall marry you, instead. Or no one. I know you only offered for me from guilt, so if ever you think better of it, I shall—”
“I shall not think better of it,” he said in an oddly urgent tone, and now his eyes were alight with… something. Some fire that stopped the breath inside her and made her turn to jelly.
She could not say a word, transfixed with hope and longing and terror all at once. Was it possible? Did he feel something for her? Not love, not this overwhelming yearning that afflicted her, butsomething?
“Winnie,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I… I…”
He could not speak either! They stared at each other for a long moment, and Winnie could no longer restrain her hands. She reached out, first one hand and then the other, to cup his face, just as he had touched her on that unforgettable day. He gave a little groan and closed his eyes.
“Winnie…”
It was an invitation, but she did not dare, and after a moment his eyes opened again. He raised his hands to hers, his fingers touching her so delicately yet burning into her. Then he smiled.
“Dear Winnie! What a darling you are, but I never appreciated you until Lomax came along. I just thought of you as good old Winnie, game for anything, always there for me, ready to listen or offer me her pithy advice.‘Pull yourself together, Walter!’How many times have you said that to me, and usually it was just the kick on the rear that I needed. But I never thought of you as anything more than my good friend until I saw the way Lomax looked at you. And then…” He closed his eyes again, with a deep sigh, then opened them to look straight into her eyes. “Dearest Winnie, I know I am not much of a catch, not beside someone like Lomax. I have no money, no title, no employment, no grand estate to offer you, as you deserve. All I have to give you is myself and a heart that is true to you, now and always. Do youthink… is there any chance, do you suppose, that you could come to care for me as I care for you?”
She almost laughed in sheer exhilaration. How could he possibly not know? It was extraordinary! She had no words, not then, for her heart was too full. Everything she had ever wanted was here in her hands, was hers forever, and her joy was so overwhelming that she did not think she would ever be coherent again.
There was only one thing she could do, the one thing that needed no words, that even a brain turned to soup could manage.
