“Not likely, no. It’s spread too far. We can slow down the growth and give you more time, potentially, but we have to see how you respond.”
“Chemo?”
“A combination of treatments would be best.”
“But I’d feel worse?” Zara had asked.
“Thereareside effects, yes,” the woman had told her. “I’ll review everything with you to ensure you’re comfortable with the course of treatment before we begin, but, Zara, you need to begin today. I will find room for you. You can’t wait even another day.”
“Chemo, radiation, and probably more, too, right?”
“Yes.”
“I have a friend who’s gone through that in her early thirties. She had stage one, but she’s been in remission ever since, thankfully. I was told by my doctor a few years ago that I was a low risk for breast cancer. No one in my family has had it. I don’t think anyone in my family has had any kind of cancer going back to my grandparents, at least.”
“Zara, I’m sorry. I know this is shocking, and you need to process and work through it, but we should begin treatment. Can we focus on reviewing that right now? I’ll answer any questions you have.”
“How much time do you thinkIhave? Not averages or what the studies or journals or whatever tell you.”
“Zara, I don’t like to give timelines. It’s so different for every patient. It’s dangerous for us to try to predict something like this.”
“But you’ve seen my test results,” she’d argued.
The doctor had sighed and clasped her hands over her desk.
“When you had a mammogram two years ago, nothing showed in the scans.”
“I skipped it last year. I got busy,” Zara had added.
“Yes. I don’t know if we would’ve seen it then, but it’s possible. What I can tell you is that we ran tests three weeks agoandlast week, and it’s fast-moving. At this rate, it’s possible we’re looking at six months to a year. Maybe less.”
“So, less, really? You just don’t want to say it?”
Zara hadn’t started treatment that day. The thought of being in more pain than she was now until the end of her life hadn’t been something she’d been interested in. What shehadbeen interested in was talking to Arwen. She knew it was selfish and not fair to Arwen to finally tell her how she felt and to die shortly after, but she had wasted too much time. She’d known for years and hadn’t said anything, and now, if she were lucky, she’d have a year left; a little longer if she sought treatment and it stopped the spread, but she wouldn’t be able to do anything, and that wasn’t what she wanted.
She wanted to tell Arwen how she felt, experience at least one date with her, make love with her at least once, and finally be with the woman she loved for whatever time she had left. She hadn’t told Arwen how she felt yet, and the one time she’d gotten up the courage, Iro had joined their booth. Now, Zara was out on a walk by her apartment because she couldn’t just sit around, watching TV or scrolling through social media, thinking about Arwen and Iro on their date. She needed fresh air and to try to figure out what to do.
Then, she saw them. They were standing outside the vegan restaurant that Zara wanted to take Arwen to, but every time she had tried to make a reservation, she’d been told they were all booked out for the next six months. She might not even have six months now, and it no longer mattered because Arwen andIro were there. They were kissing, and Zara’s heart plummeted because it was over. She’d missed her shot.
“Hello,” someone said next to her.
Zara turned around and saw a woman with long brown hair, pushed back from her pale face, staring at her.
“Hello,” she replied. “Do you need directions or something?” she asked, thinking the woman was probably a tourist, even though this wasn’t a tourist part of town.
“I do not,” she replied and held out her hand for Zara to shake. “My name is Cassia. And I can see you were staring at those two women over there.”
“Oh, no. I was just… thinking of going to the restaurant. I’m hungry.”
“Me too,” Cassia said. “For something other than food.”
Zara wasn’t sure what she meant at first, but the woman’s eyebrow lifted, and she got it then.
“Oh,” she said.
“Is one of those women your girlfriend or something?” Cassia asked.
“What? No. I–”
