“That I was in love with you, Arwen.”
Arwen didn’t say anything, so Zara finally worked up the courage to look at her.
“I think I knew for a long time, but it didn’t really click until then.”
“You didn’t say anything.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Why doesanyonenot tell their best friend that they’re in love with them? I was scared.”
“I didn’t know, Zara.”
“I know. I hid it pretty well. But the night you met Iro, I was going to tell you. Finally, I was about to tell you, and I wanted to know if you’d give us a shot, but then, we walked into that bar, and you saw her. It felt like there was no point then.”
“I’m sorry,” Arwen replied.
Zara shook her head and said, “It’s not your fault. Today, I lied to you because Cassia told me to. She said I needed a reason I’d been acting like a jerk that didn’t revolve around me being a vampire because she didn’t want you to know that yet.”
“Sounds like Cassia got you to do a lot more than lie to me today.”
“I had cancer, Arwen,” she revealed, and Arwen gasped at that. “My biopsy came back positive, and it was rare and aggressive. The doctor told me I didn’t have much time, and what I was going to do was very selfish; ask you to give me a chance for the maybe six months I had left; make you watch me slowly fade away, and then say goodbye to me. That night, I would’ve done that had you not met Iro, and it would have been unfair to you. Losing your best friend would have been hard enough already.”
“You were sick, and I didn’t know?”
“Youdidknow. You kept asking me about it. I just lied to you because I wasn’t ready to tell you yet.”
“Zara…”
“That’s not the point now, though. The cancer’s gone anyway.”
“Thank God,” Arwen replied.
Zara smiled at her and said, “Cassia saw me the night of your first date with Iro. I went for a walk, trying to clear my head and figure out what I wanted to do, and I saw you two outside the restaurant thatIwanted to take you to for the first time. Cassia told me she wanted to have some no-strings fun, which I’d never done, but I was dying, so I just thought what the hell.”
“And she turned you?”
“She asked me if I wanted it, Arwen.”
“She does that, from what I’ve heard,” Arwen remarked and looked away.
“I said yes.”
“She’s very convincing,” Arwen retorted.
“No, Arwen. I wanted it. I wanted to live. I wanted time with you. I wanted to tell you how I felt. When Cassia told me she could give me that if I spied on you and Iro… that she and Iro would leave together, and I could–”
“What?Haveme?” Arwen guessed.
“Yes.”
“Zara, I don’t love you like that. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you.”
“I know.” Zara rubbed her face with her hands. “And everything I did after that was wrong. I can blame Cassia because, yes, there’s a definite pull there, and it’s very intense, but it was still me. I wanted to be with you, and I hated Iro because you seemed to fall for her after thirty seconds, and I’ve been here for ten years, and you couldn’t even see me.”
“I alwayssawyou, Zara. Not as someone I could fall in love with, but as my best friend I would have gone through anything with.”
