No. I don’t have time for self doubt. Not when I fucked up so badly. Again.
I was going to use his stupid omega body against him. Maybe blackmail him. Maybe bully him. Maybe just persuade him. Get him to tell me some secret I can use against him.
I can still do that.In a screwed up kind of way, my plan worked. Jamie was certainly charmed by me. Or at least, charmed enough that he opened his legs and by the look on his face, he wasn’t intending to do that any more than I was.
And that is the problem. I walked into that hotel room, took one breath, and lost my damned mind.
I just shoved him against a wall and fucked him like an animal, and then I walked out.
I force my legs to carry me forward. My car is parked six blocks away because I was thinking about witnesses and all theways this could go wrong if the wrong person saw us going into a hotel together. What a joke.
I was so focused on the logistics of not getting caught that I didn't think what would happen when I actually got Jamie alone in a room. At least that’s what I’d told myself.
Some part of me knew exactly what would happen, and I did it anyway.
All I can think of is the sounds he made, the way his body arched against the wall, the heat of him wrapped around me. My cock twitches at the memory and I have to stop walking for a moment, jaw clenched, until I can get myself under control.
Fuck’s sake.
I reach my car and sit behind the wheel without starting the engine. I've slept with the enemy.
And the worst part is that I'm already thinking about doing it again.
I pull out my phone. My thumb hovers over the screen.
I’m going to block him, delete his number and hope that no one ever finds out about this. My father will kill me if he finds out about this and that’s if Warren doesn’t get there first.
The only consolation I have is that I am pretty sure Jamie doesn’t want anyone knowing either. We can get away with it as long as neither of us tells anyone.
I open up his contact and bring up the menu, finding the block option. My thumb hovers.
I have a certain level of self-delusion but even I know that this isn’t the end. If I can block him, I can unblock him again. And I will.
This isn’t out of my system. I’m not going to suddenly stop stalking his every move on social media just because we had one wordless hotel fuck. Especially when it wasthatmind blowing.
I find myself googling hotels, finding a motel on the side of a highway in fuck knows where. The rooms face onto the parkinglot. We can slip in and out under the cover of darkness without anyone seeing us within seconds.
Before I second guess myself, I book under a credit card I rarely use. It belongs to some holding company that Warren set up for tax purposes. It’s perfectly legal, despite what Jamie Dean might imply, and part of me feels smugly satisfied that he’s going to fuck me while a Crane company card pays for it.
It’s only after I have the thought about the card that I have no doubt he’s going to say yes. Just as I know that I’m not going to block him either.
Block him, you idiot.
I do it. I block him, but I don’t cancel the reservation.
I need to shower so I drive back to my penthouse in the city instead of the family estate. The last thing I need to do is walk into the family estate smelling of Jamie Dean.
I set the shower as hot as I can bare it and scrub every part of my body before going to bed. I shower again in the morning because I am convinced I can still smell him.
I’m not the type to keep secrets and certainly not from my own family. That has now changed and I hate it.
7. Jamie
The apartment is dark when I let myself in. I'm hoping Akari is asleep. Maybe I can slip past her door and into my own room and pretend none of this ever happened.
No such luck.
She's sitting on the couch with her laptop open, the blue glow illuminating her face. She looks up when the door closes, and I watch her expression shift from curiosity to concern.
