Ellie put her out of her misery. ‘Work. There’s an extra shift going.’
‘Oh.’ Her mum’s shoulders slumped. ‘But you’re doing nights next week, aren’t you? That’s not very fair.’
‘They need me,’ Ellie said with a shrug, and tried to ignore the cat’s bum her mum’s mouth was making and left the room to put on her uniform.
Ellie deeply regretted saying yes to this last-minute shift within an hour of arriving. The night was slow and boring – much like her love life. But they were short-staffed and she needed the money.
As happened quite often in A&E, things changed rapidly. Her quiet shift turned into a shit-storm of epic proportions. She had a series of people from a bar stabbing, followed by a car crash involving a bus. But the hardest moment of all came, as it always did, out of the blue.
An alcoholic and homeless man called Bob came in suffering from bronchitis and chest pains. Nothing new, as he was asthmatic and came in most weeks with breathing difficulties. Usually, he was checked over and sent back out again with nothing more than a prescription. He was polite and sweet, with a dry sense of humour, and all of the nurses liked Bob and didn’t mind that he was in and out of their care like a bad penny.
Tonight, he died in triage, before anyone had had time to examine him properly. He died as he lived, quietly and without much fuss. Alone.
Ellie finished her shift with a heavy heart, and, as she stepped out into the brisk early morning air, every ache and pain of the last twelve hours hit her with full force.
She quickly checked the Australian time difference on her phone, then called Hannah while she walked off the stress of her long shift. The morning light was weak and milky against the backdrop of the surrounding red and cream brick buildings.
She passed the rainbow signs asking people to respect NHS staff – because yes, people did apparently need a reminder – and walked past the quiet Victorian warehouses, pubs, graffiti-splattered walls and huddled shops towards home. The skyscrapers of the City sparkled in the distance, a world away from here, and yet always present. The rich and the powerful staring down at her like the little worker-ant she was.
Depressing.
In contrast, Hannah’s voice was bright and energised. It reverberated down the line to her, as if she were shouting downone of their old string-cup phones. ‘Oh my God, hi! How was your night withtheAlex King? I swear he fancied you!’
Ellie tried to match her enthusiasm and failed. She didn’t want to think about Alex. ‘Oh, don’t be silly, nothing happened. Besides, I’m strictly off men, remember? Especially the handsome ones way out of my league.’
Hannah made a tutting sound. ‘No one is out of your league.’
Ellie was quick to move on. ‘Anyway, how’s life down under? You arrive okay?’
‘Yes, and it’s wonderful! My cousins took me to the beach as soon as I arrived. Although my surfing skills need improvement.’ Her merry laugh blended with the sound of ocean waves crashing in the background. ‘I wiped out more times than I can count.’
‘No jet lag then?’
‘I’m running on adrenaline.’
This conversation was the opposite of what she needed right now, but she grimly battled on. ‘Sounds amazing! Send me plenty of pics, I bet the beaches are stunning. Well, I just wanted to check in and see if you arrived safe. Glad you’re having fun.’
There was a crackling pause. ‘Are you okay? Has something happened?’
‘Nothing major… just, well, No-One Bob died. Cardiac arrest.’ Their bad-taste nickname stuck in her throat. They’d called him that after so many times, writingNo one, on his next-of-kin forms.
‘Oh no, poor Bob. Are you okay?’ It was all Hannah could or needed to say. Unlike anyone else, she knew how Ellie felt. The quiet grief beneath the professional face was hard, but it was also normal.
She was about to paste on some fake joviality and pretend everything was all okay, but she found she couldn’t. With everystep the sparkling towers seemed to loom closer, and her ability to hide behind her usual confidence crumbled.
‘I don’t think I can keep up with this any more…’
There was silence on the other end of the phone, but she could hear Hannah’s patient, even breath, giving her the time to talk.
‘Working every shift and every bit of overtime that I can get… and what for? A bad back and no one to go home to? I just… I don’t think I can take it any more.’ She sighed, feeling better now she’d dragged out the truth. To be honest, it surprised even her to say it out loud.
‘What else would you do?’ Hannah’s voice remained calm. She’d already realised this, of course; it was why she’d left. ‘Forget about everything else for a minute. What would you want, if you could have anything? How would your life look?’
She nosedived into the endless possibilities, but they only frightened her further. ‘I don’t know… More free time, a cute cat to snuggle up with at night…’A family of my own.
‘Would you give up nursing?’
‘No.’ The answer was quick and certain, a relief. ‘But maybe fewer hours, or more reasonable hours.’
