“Would you believe me if I told you it was because I stress ate a bacon cheeseburger?”
Hailey stared at me, clearly waiting for the punchline. I was pretty sure she thought I was insane, and I couldn’t blame her. The ridiculousness of my circumstances coupled with the intense draw I felt toward her made this all that much more complicated.
I hadn’t planned to come in. I thought I’d give her the money and be on my way. But then I passed out and when I woke up, I looked deep into her eyes – filled with a concern that literally no one in my life had ever shown me since my grandfather died – and I fell in love.
At least I’m pretty sure I did. I’d never been in love before, but based on this combination of nausea, a warm sensation in my chest, and the way every time I looked at Hailey images of a life together flashed in front of my eyes, it was definitely love.
I couldn’t believe she didn’t know who I was, but I believed it was true. No one was that good of an actress, not even me. And when she thought I was still passed out, she wasn’t snapping pics on her cell phone to sell toTMZ, she was making sure I was okay. Well, and checking out my breasts. I didn’t mind though. I’d paid good money for them.
So I did something I never did. Something I hoped I wouldn’t regret later. I decided to trust her.
“My real name is Victoria Cross,” I began, watching her carefully.
Nothing. Not a flicker of awareness in her face.
“I’m an actress.”
She didn’t look impressed.
“I grew up starring on a show calledHey, Vickyon Nickelodeon. It was the number one kids’ show in America for years.”
Hailey looked thoughtful. “Oh. That’s the show you mentioned earlier, right?”
I nodded.
“Are you still performing on that show?” she asked. I loved the way she said ‘performing’ like it was a play or a variety show. I guess she really didn’t watch TV.
“No. Once I grew breasts they weren’t interested in me for kids’ programming anymore, so I transitioned to movies,” I explained. “I’ve been in a lot of romcoms and also starred in theSusie Sniperaction film series.”
She shrugged, telling me that she wasn’t familiar with that show either.
“Surely you’ve seen my face on magazines? Like when you’re in line at the supermarket?”
“I get most of my food from a member co-op. They don’t have magazines there.”
How could this woman even be real?
When I took too long to continue she prompted, “What does some people watching your movies have to do with a bacon cheeseburger?
I ate another bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was a revelation. Having grown up in front of the camera and been raised by a mother with an obsession with thinness, I’d neverbeen able to eat what I wanted. I remember learning how to count calories when I was seven years old.
I could almost feel my mother shuddering down in L.A., somehow knowing I was eating something with fat and carbs. The woman hadn’t eaten a carb since the nineteen seventies. We didn’t talk much anymore, but the lessons she’d taught me were hard to escape.
“From a young age, I was a brand. And part of my brand was being a vegetarian, committed to healthy eating, living on water and cigarettes.”
“You smoke?” she asked in shock, as if I’d said I murdered baby seals and used their fat to make moisturizer.
“Not anymore,” I told her. “Anyway, I’ve been at a crossroads with my career. Not happy with where I’m going, but it’s hard for me to think about doing something different because so many people’s livelihoods depend on me. I got really upset two days ago, and on impulse I drove through a fast food place and bought a bacon double cheeseburger and a chocolate shake.”
I could tell by the look on her face that she still wasn’t seeing what the problem was.
“I’m known for being against fast food,” I explained. “And meat.”
“There’s nothing wrong with an occasional treat,” she said. “In moderation.”
“Well, the food smelled really good, so I drove to the far side of the parking lot by some trees so I could eat it sooner. I incorrectly thought no one recognized me or saw me eating in the car, but of course the paparazzi were around, and some vulture got pictures of me shoveling all that food into my mouth as fast as I could.”
I winced, remembering the next part. “I never eat like that, and I binged it all so fast I made myself sick. They also got pictures of me leaning out of my car door barfing.”
