“They were there,” Bea offers, reaching forward to gently brush the pads of her little female fingers over my heart. “I’m sure I saw them, but-”
“I believe you.” The words are swift and true from my lips as we two stand here in the dark of my wings as if no others even exist. “I believe that you have ignited my heart-stars,myBea.”
Her eyes shine at me as she takes a moment to track my features before her gaze drops back down to my chest - where her hand is still over my heart. Covering her hand with my own, I press her palm firmly to my heated skin. Her human hand feels so small in comparison to mine. I swallow dryly. “It is probably my scars that are affecting how my heart-stars shine for you,” I tell her, and together, we peel away both our hands to inspect my chest again.
There is…somethingthere. More skin-stars than usual. And some of them linger over my heart instead of flying straight by like they may have in the past. But most are very faint, like star-spirits. I have a few slashes earned from the claws of a blue-tailed-cat there. There are burns from the saliva of a firemouth, too. And other various nicks and scratches whose origin I have long forgotten. My scars seem to have made my stars shy.
I watch my Bea with the one good eye the Goddesses deemed to leave me with. “They are there,” I tell her, my voice low and sure. “They shine for you, even if you cannot always see them.”
This, I know. I know it as surely as I know my own tail. I felt it the first time I was tasked to care for this brave little female.
But, by the expression on her face, Bea does not know this. Not for certain, at least.
Ducking my head to meet her eye, I tilt her face up to me with a gentle finger beneath her chin. “They are there for you, Bea,” I assure her again. “The Goddesses made me your mate, I know this.”
She swallows thickly, her gaze dropping back down to my scarred chest. “I… maybe we should wait until your heart-stars glow brighter again before we make any decisions? Just to be sure.”
Just to be sure? I have never been more sure of anything in my life.
But my brave little mate wants assurances. And, I am very willing to give her more assurances than there are stars in the night skies.
Chapter 6 - Bea
I could have sworn I’d seen them. They had been right there - beautiful and glowing bright as I’d lifted my hand from Zyntarr’s chest. Not moving around like the other skin-stars. They’d stayed right over his heart like they didn’t want to be anywhere else. But then, as soon as the light from the two alien suns hit my eyes, they’d faded. I think they’re still there - you can sort of see them very faintly if it’s dark. But they aren’t the same. They didn’t look like High Spear Rynn’s heart-stars, or Mavyx’s, Ezryk’s or Zarriko’s. Poor Aloryk’s haven’t shown up yet, but Polly just trusts that he’s her man so…
Is that what I’m supposed to do?
Zyntarr says it’s because of his scarring. Which makes perfect sense, it’s just…
Arethey definitely there? Or did my eyes play tricks on me, showing me what I wanted to see?
Iwasjust coming down from a stupid panic attack. Maybe it was just the proximity and the adrenaline?
We’re back at our village now, and the celebrations from Rynn and Serena’s happy announcement are continuing to spill over into the evening. There’s an icky feeling in my gut when I remember how I’d reacted to their news. Like my body had decided to make it all about me. My mom had accused me of that very thing more times than I can remember, and I’d just gone and proved her right -again.
I don’t think they’d noticed that their pregnancy announcement had triggered me in any way. At least I hope they didn’t see that. And it’s not like I haven’t experienced friends and colleagues falling pregnant before, it’s just… I don’t know… it’s different here. On this whole other planet. With this whole other species. Without hospitals or doctors or midwives or a freaking doula! I mean…Holy Shit, did Serena think this through?
I glance down the gathered space toward the High Spear and his mate. We’re all sitting around some low fires and the glow from the flames is casting golden light and shadows across her happy features. She looks so care-free. Elated. She looks like she has everything together. Like certainty that everything will be alright paints every aspect of her life, always. I remember when we all first woke up in that holding pen back at the alien auction. When we’d been bought and herded into a friggin’ spaceship. She had seemed so calm to me. Like no matter what happened, she would be able to see what the right path would be to get us out of there.
I’ve never been able to see those paths. My mom said the devil likes to lead us down the wrong ones, and the weak are easily led.
“These meats are not spiced well enough for you,” Zyntarr leans into my side to grumble. “Ishould have been the one to cook for my mate.” He then proceeds to sprinkle his own blend of herbs and spices on my dish.
I suck in a breath, my eyes going wide before I throw furtive glances all around to see if anyone had heard him. Luckily, everyone else is too far into their high spirits over the pregnancy to pay him any attention. Then my eyes fall onto Zyn’s chest again. Here, in the dark of evening, you cankind ofsee some of his stars staying in the area of his heart, but they are so faint, it’s as if they’ve got a thick cloth draped over them. And there’snowhere near as many as what’s displayed on Rynn’s chest at the head of the gathering.
And…no one else has noticed them.
Isn’t that a big ol’ clue that maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t really there? Maybe they don’t count as heart-stars?
“The meat is fine,” I answer, just as I drop the little morsel I was about to eat, dipping my fingers into the small bowl of water to clean the grease off. “I’m just tired. I think I’ll go to bed.”
As soon as I stand, brushing the dust off my butt, Zyntarr stands too, his frame towering over me. I throw a few smiles and some‘goodnights’out to anyone who even notices that I’m leaving the party - though, not many do. Zyn doesn’t bother with any of that and just follows me, his tail twitching behind him like he’s turned himself into my personal, imposing shadow.
It’s not until we’re out of earshot from everyone else that I turn abruptly, somehow still surprised at just how closely Zyntarr is following along behind me. He halts in an instant, my big stealthy, deadly shadow. “Zyntarr-” I start, my gaze caught on that one beautiful, sky-blue eye staring down at me intently.
“Bea,” he states in return, tilting his head like a curious animal as he watches me, unsure of what I might say next.
I’m so affected by his nearness, I’m even a little unsure of what I was going to say now. “I-” my mouth opens and closes like a fish. Then, I can’t help but let my eyes fall to his broad chest-
