‘Everything will become clearer.’
I had hoped that everything was already as clear as the ice blocks from the mountains. But as brave as my little Bea is, she is a wary one. Which is smart. Wariness will keep a Trixikka alive out in the wilds of the jungle.
But too much of it, will stop a male from truly living.
Things are a little different for a female, I have come to understand. I have listened to how the humans speak of their males from their homelands. They must be careful to choose the correct male or risk harm - harm to their sacred bodies, harm to their clever minds, and harm to their joyful hearts. They do not have the heart-stars to guide them, and since Bea seems to have convinced herself that my faint heart-stars do not count, we must do this the human way, with herchoosingme as her mate.
And, honestly, that thrills me as much as it pains me.
Under one wing, I have the chance to be chosen. She has not wrinkled her cute little female nose in disgust at the thought, so perhaps my terribly marked body does not displease her after all. Under the other wing, if my scars did not hinder my heart-stars, she would have already accepted me as her mate.
The scars themselves had not bothered me before. They are a show of my Protector skills because although I wear them all over my body - I am still alive this day to display them proudly. My eye is another tale however, and maybe… maybethe Goddesses know I am not a whole male, so do not trust me to protect and care for a female? Perhaps that is why they have not given me bright heart-stars like my High Spear and Second Spear Mavyx?
My hand slips at the thought. I had been sharpening the tip of a sweetwood branch so that I could use it to skewer and turn a frizikki carcass over the cookfire this morn. The meat is for all, but I will secure the most tender and flavorful parts for when my Bea breaks her fast this day.
No, I cannot let thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. The Goddesses gave me a strong body, larger than many, because they knew I would be hindered by my sight. And yes, I collect more scars than that of my brothers because I do not always see the danger when it comes. But no other male in my tribe can rival my stature. And I would use my size and strength to keep that little female safe. Always. The Goddesses must know this, and it is why they have trusted me with her.
I just need to earn her trust now, too.
Maybe, if I can show her how I can care for her, she will not need the certainty of the heart-stars and she will choose me as the humans do back on her homelands.
While I work on cooking the meats, I keep my good eye alert to what is going on around me in the village this day. Bea has not yet come from the female’s hut, and several Protectors stand guard at its entrance. In fact, none of the females have emerged this day, but I suspect that is due to the amount of fermented fylli fruit juice that had been flowing this last night. I have heard irritated whispers from the Gatherers about the meager state of their stores after the festivities, too. No matter, I will help them when I can as it is work I enjoy.
But this day, my first priority is to stay by Bea’s side.
I eye the female’s hut again. Still no movement from inside. Instead, my gaze catches on my Second Spear’s mate, Ah-Lanah,as she walks slowly, her frame bent over as both hands are being grasped tightly by little Nova. The human youngling is attempting to learn the basics ofwalking.
The fact that human younglings come to their mothers so small, and so incredibly helpless is baffling to me. But then, I witness how Ah-Lanah and the other females care for, teach and nurture little Nova, and I see how this builds bonds as strong as a lifestone blade. They are well versed at building bonds, these females, so perhaps I should seek out their advice about my little Bea.
Grunting instructions to the nearest greenmale Protector, I leave him with the task of overseeing the meats. I’ve found over the seasons that young Protectors are not all that interested in helping with tasks that are outside of their Protector training. An attitude that I think is a misstep - how are you to protect your tribe, if you cannot also nurture it? For my part, I think I have come to enjoy feeding my tribe more than I do anything else. And I particularly enjoy feeding my mate.
“Ah-Lanah!” I call out, moving swiftly to where little Nova has decided to give up on taking steps, and sits on the dusty ground instead.
“Hi, Zyntarr,” Ah-Lanah greets, though she does not focus on me, instead opting to stop her youngling from ingesting a tiny fistful of dust. Nova protests angrily. How do human younglings even become fully grown when they are so adamant about trying to poison themselves? “What can I do for you?” Ah-Lanah asks, chuckling as she swings little Nova up to balance on her hip.
“Are you still helping males with obtaining a mate?”
Her smile widens. Those big, brown eyes of hers look me up and down as she tilts her head to the side like the mountain hounds do when they’re trying to figure out if the creature in front of them would make a good meal. “Have you finally decided to try your luck with Bea?”
I jerk my head back a little. Have I been so obvious?
In answer, all I do is grunt and cross my arms. But Ah-Lanah does not accept this, and raises her brows at me, telling me I ought to use my words or else she will not offer any help. Truly, this female is an excellent match for the hard-headed Second Spear. “I would like to know more about human bonds,” I concede, my arms now falling away to my sides and my tail flicking behind me. “I would like to know how… how your kind chooses a mate without the heart-stars to guide them.”
Reaching up, Ah-Lanah pats at my cheek. “You come by to see me, and I’ll give you some time to talk it through, ok?”
I am grateful for this. Just as I am grateful for how Second Spear Mavyx’s intense glare aimed at me morphs into a smile when little Nova squeals at him over her mother’s shoulder.
“Oh,” Ah-Lanah says, patting her daughter’s back and turning to see her mate approaching. “I shoulda known all that ruckus means your daddy’s not too far away.”
As soon as Mavyx joins us, he takes the youngling from his mate like it is the most natural thing in the world to hold a daughter in your arms. “Why are you touching another male?” he asks, and I feel my feathers prick as if anticipating a challenge.
“Oh, hush! He’s just asking about how to get himself a mate.”
My Second Spear seems to accept this and nods his head while bouncing little Nova in his arms. “You must build Bea a hut for the sacred ritual of cunt-touching,” he grunts, offering his knowledgeable advice.
Again, it is assumed my eye is set on Bea - not that I mind. They are correct, of course.
I value my Second Spear’s words, for he has been able to win over a female who initially did not want to be mated to him, even when his heart-stars were clear and bright for everyone to see, not faint and elusive like my own.
