But all I can think about is her.
We drift like that for a short while. At one point, my leg floats against hers and it feels like that one small touch sends a surgeof sorcery through my body. I try not to look to see where she is, but do so anyway. My movements are slow and smooth, but I manage to maneuver myself alongside my Niska so that we are both floating side-by-side, staring up at the fake stars and the up-lit exotic plants of the lagoon room.
After some time, I tentatively move my hand closer to hers. Inch-by-inch as we drift together. My fingers spread, trying to extend toward her until I feel the faintest brush of my hand against hers. I suck in a breath, hoping she won’t dismiss me and go off to hide somewhere else.
I thank the four that she doesn’t. Slowly, my hand tries again. We bump and brush each other, until my little finger wraps around hers.
And she allows it.
As gentle as my hold actually is, it feels to me like I’m desperately clinging to my Niska.
I hear her sigh and she stands, stopping her floating to face me. Mirroring her, neither of us say anything at first. We just stare at one another, our hair and clothes dripping.
“I want you to know that I am very sorry for lying to you, Kiahn.”
My brows pinch and I close my eyes. “No, please don’t. Don’t-… You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I do,” she insists. “I lied to you. The closer we grew, the more I wanted to tell you, but I just… I didn’t. And then I had to go and make it complicated by wanting more from you, so, please accept my apology.”
I do nothing but map her features for a breath or two, until there’s nothing left for me to do but get on my knees in front of her, the waters now up to my chest. “Only if you accept mine, Niska.” I peer up at her as a small puff of air escapes her lips. “I blamed you for a position you had no control over, instead of thinking about why you made your choices, I chose to sit andstew in my own feelings of being wronged. Truly, Niska, I am very sorry. Not just for my behavior, but for the situation you and your friends are in, and the things you’ve had to do to get yourself out of it.”
A ghost of a smile lifts one corner of her lips. “It wasn’t all bad,” she says, reaching out to stroke her thumb over my cheek. “Some of it turned out to be pretty good, actually.”
I lean into her touch, closing my eyes. “Please accept my apology, Niska. It is tearing me to pieces that I upset you.”
And then her hand is gone.
Niska sucks in a long breath and lets it out in a burst, her shoulders rising and falling with the motion. “I accept your apology, Kiahn… But where do I stand if we end our contract now? Do me and the girls still get to stay here? Do we get somewhere to live? Will we be safe?”
I stand, taking hold of her hand in both of mine. “Niska, you will never go back to that life. You will always have a place here. You can have it all - everything I agreed to in the contract, but… you want to end it-… now?”
She tilts her head to look up at me, a small smile on her face, but my heart plummets when she says, “I think it would be for the best, yes.”
“But-”
“I was bought for you, Kiahn,” she interrupts, her expression soft, but her tone firm. “Nothing about us is normal, and the longer I try to pretend that it is, the harder it’s going to hurt when this all comes to an end.” Her pretty eyes go glassy and her lip trembles a little when she says the words that I know I’ll hear echoes of for the rest of my life. “Please don’t force me to love you any more than I already do, Kiahn. I don’t think I could stand it when you have to walk away.”
34
Chapter 34 - Niska
Kiahn kept his promises. Our contract ended and Lois, Jaya and I moved out of the palace, to a house that Kiahn ensured I own. I’m also paid a very healthy allowance for our living expenses, and have three full-time members of staff here to look after us and help us to navigate our new lives on Xaavia.
The house is beautiful. It’s huge, too. Much bigger than is really necessary to house three human girls, but I’m not complaining. The whole place has a kind of French chateau vibe, except with the odd piece of alien technology that somehow manages to not stick out too much - like the floating orbs that help me control the lighting and room temperatures. My wardrobe is stuffed to bursting with so many custom-made dresses in a rainbow of colors that I feel like I’m living in some kind of fairy tale.
Except I let go of my prince.
It was for the best. I know it was. Kiahn getting upset when he’d found out my lie was just the slap in the face I needed to wake myself up. The whole situation was just not normal.
He’s aprince, for fuck’s sake. And an alien one at that. Not to mention the way we came into each other’s lives?
It would have never worked out.
That hasn’t stopped Kiahn from sending me gifts every day, though. Yesterday it was a bouquet of exotic alien flowers that change color depending on the pace of the heartbeat of someone nearby. The day before that it had been the Xaviann’s version of a box of chocolates - the flavors of which were…interesting. He sends me messages through my wrist comm unit he’d set up for me, too. His messages are not lengthy or deep. But he asks how I’m feeling, if I’ve eaten, and whether I enjoyed my meals or if I slept well.
He wishes me goodnight every evening.
The sensible part of me wants to tell him to stop being so sweet. It’s the same part of me that knows it’s going to hurt like a literal gut-punch to see him sign his next contract. Whenever that may be.
