“You were gone a while. Is everything alright?”
Lifting his charcoal gray hand, Kiahn shakes the glass bottle filled with my pills. “What are these?”
My stomach drops. “My fertility pills,” I lie, gathering up the blankets as if I could disappear under them, hiding away from this conversation.
Kiahn’s jaw ticks, and I know he knows. Tossing the little bottle onto the bed, the pills rattle against the glass. “Take them, then. I know you’reso eagerto bear me a child.”
My eyes lift from the bottle to his, my hands gripping the blankets even tighter. “Kiahn-”
“You’ve been lying to me.”
My cheeks are hot, and my voice is thin when I confess. “Yes.” I can feel my heart cracking a little at how hurt and angry he looks, but when I crawl out from the blankets to try and approach him - try to explain, to apologize, he rises from his chair and starts pacing away. “Kiahn, I-”
“You could have trusted me with this information, Niska. I thought you trusted me. But instead, I have to learn about this from my fucking brother?! He recognized the medicine for what it really was.” Spinning his huge frame to face me again, Kiahn gestures toward the bottle on the bed. “You’ll be pleased to learn that he identified them as some of the most potent contraceptives on the market, so there’s no chance of our breeding contract being fruitful.”
My open mouth snaps shut. But then I open it again, because before I even try to explain myself, I need him to know that I wanted to come clean to him about all this, especially these past few weeks as we’ve grown closer. “Kiahn, I’m sorry, I really am. I wanted to tell you, but-”
“But what. Niska? You wanted to tell me, but you didn’t trust me with this? If you didn’t want a child by me, you could have said so. Instead, you have lied to my face and-”
“Of course I didn’t want a fucking child with you, Kiahn!”
He jolts at my outburst, but there are a thousand bolts of indignation coursing through my veins night now, and I use that to storm up to him, my head tilted up to look this giant alien prince in the eye as I jab him in the chest with my pointer finger. “Your Aunt bought me asA GIFTfor you, for Christ sake! That was the situation I was in - I-”jab,“-was-”jab,“bought!” Jab.“Purchased like a piece of produce or a pet. Picked out, paid for, and handed over for you to have your fun with. She’ll probably still have the receipt if you want to return me now.”
The anger drains from his face, but I’m so mad, I’m shaking. “Nis-”
“No!You feel hurt because I lied to you, and I get that. But did you ever stop to think about the position I was in? What my choices were? I needed to get me and my friends to a place of safety, and if that meant I took the offer your Aunt gave me, then yeah - I’d do it all over again, including the lies.” Kiahn’s eyes scan mine quickly, his mouth open and his brows pinched - completely void of the anger that had been there a moment ago. I don’t give him the chance to speak, though. “Maybe I would have come clean about the pills,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “Maybe I wouldn’t. But don’t expect me to feel bad for trying to keep myself alive,Your Highness.” Kiahn’s eyes go wide as I exaggerate his title and perform a mocking curtsy by pinching the thin sides of my silk sleep shirt and dipping low.
“Niska, I-” his words come out in a weak, breathy voice - like I’d managed to knock the wind right out of him.
I can’t allow myself to feel any satisfaction in that, though. “Don’t,” is all I say, holding my hand up, and walking past him to leave.
It’s not until I’m back in my own rooms that I even allow my eyes to prick with tears as I sag against the back of the door, and slide to the floor.
33
Chapter 33 - Kiahn
I am a fucking idiot.
There’s just no other explanation.
Visions of my little Niska having to defiantly lay everything out to me - having to raise her voice and poke me in the chest, having to spell out to me how desperate she obviously was back at Moon’s Rest Space Station.
I scrub my hands down my face. “Of course she fucking was,” I mutter to myself, still in disbelief at how I had the gall to feel wronged by her without considering the circumstances.
I’d tried to go to her, not even an hour after she’d rightfully stormed out, leaving me to feel ashamed of myself. But she’d refused to answer the door to her chambers.
All day she’d stayed hidden, and she’d not come to dine with Lois, Jaya and my brothers. last night“I don’t know what you’ve done, but you better apologize,”Lois had advised, pointing an accusatory eating utensil right at me.
I’d noticed the servant behind her stiffen at the action. No one speaks to a prince of Xaavia that way.
But she was right.
I’ve tried her door five more times since then. She won’t answer, and the door is locked. When I try a sixth time, I find the door to her rooms ajar. “Niska?” I ask, pushing it open to peer inside.
She’s nowhere to be seen.
It’s three hours later, and I’m not even done searching the palace. My heart is in literalpainfrom not knowing where she is - not knowing she is safe. Knowing I’ve upset her. When I stumble into an unchecked room - one of the many studies here in the western wing - I find my Aunt and cousin, sat together, scrolling through records of some kind projected in front of them.
