I watch as Ah-Lanah puts her coverings back on, hiding the perfect curves of her body again. Just when I think she might dismiss me, she bites her lip and looks to the entryway. "It's still raining outside."
"It is," I grunt, still standing there wearing nothing but the dagger at my thigh as my tail twitches behind me.
"You could... you could stay in here. So you don't get wet."
I do not need further invitation. Swiftly, I climb into the nest with Ah-Lanah, curling my much larger body around hers so her back is to my front. Once we are positioned, I wrap an arm around her middle, pulling her as close as I can possibly get her, without hurting her or the youngling.
After a moment, she starts giggling, easing the tension in my chest a little. "Making yourself comfortable there, big guy?" she says, patting my forearm.
"Yes," I huff happily, stretching out my wings before tucking one away and then draping the other forward over my Ah-Lanah. "Did that help to ease yourhor-moons, little female?"
She does not answer.
"Ah-Lanah?"
Turning in my arms, those beautiful, warm brown eyes stare back at me. "Mav," she says, laying her hand on my chest so delicately, I wonder if she is afraid of the fierce heart that beats beneath it. Does she know that she is the only one who commands that heart? That heart would never hurt her. "I..."
"What is it?"
She takes a deep breath through her nose. "I don't know if I want anything to change between us. And I don't know if what we just did together was a good idea or not."
"It was most definitely a good idea," I tell her. "It was the best idea I've ever been involved in."
My words inspire that cute little human snort-laugh she does - the one that makes me want to hold her to my chest so tightly that she might stay there forever. But the delightful little laugh peters off as she stares at my chest while she gently strokes her hand there.
"I thought I was going to be with Josh forever," she says quietly, eyes not meeting mine. "I thought I had it all planned out, and sure we weren't married, but he'd already told me he didn't believe in the institution, so that was no surprise... but when he suggested having a baby?" She shakes her head at herself. "That man wasn't thinking about playing happy families. He wanted to tie me to him. I was making more money than him, I was more successful than him, and he wanted to lock me down and I just couldn't see it."
I am quiet and still. I am thinking of all the words she has just said to me here in her nest, and piecing them together as best I can. I dare not so much as breathe too hard in case it snaps her out of this soft daze she is in - the one she gets in when she reveals things about herself to me. Slowly, gently, softly I stroke a hand up and down her back.
"It was never about love for him," she tells me, and I clench my teeth together, willing the growl in my chest to calm.
"Was it love for you?"
Her watery eyes meet mine and my chest feels like someone has just thrust a spear straight through my ribs. "I thought it was," she says. "I thought I loved him. But what good has that done me? I'm a million-zillion-bajillion miles away, knocked up with his kid and he's not even here to scream at, or help me, or...something."
I swallow, my throat feeling tight and dry. "It is a good thing he is not here, Ah-Lanah" I tell her, wiping a tear from the side of her nose with the pad of my thumb.
"Yeah, you're probably right," she says, sniffing and smiling weakly.
Holding her delicate little human face in both my hands, I make sure she is hearing me plainly as I tell her, "because I would rip him limb from limb for how he has upset you." Does she believe me? Does she hear the promise in my voice? "I do not care how many wingbeats away this male is from you, I do not care if he is as far as the farthest star, it is not far enough if he can still inspire tears," I growl.
It is this male - this'Josh'- that is the source of her untrusting nature, of her insistences that we cannot be mates. Even as I begin to understand it, it makes my hearthurtfor her.
"You probably would kill him, wouldn't you?" she asks, blinking up at me. "If he was here."
As if she even has to ask?
"Yes," I grunt. "No-one hurts my not-mate without punishment."
She gives a short, sharp snort from her nose and snuggles closer, laying her cheek to my chest - and, even though she is upset, even though I feel like this conversion shouldn't be over and we should continue it, my damn purr cannot help but rumble into life at just that small, easy contact - that little display of trust. I tighten my arms and tail around her and we are silent for a moment or two before I tell her, "anything you needed from him,need it from meinstead, Ah-Lanah."
And I mean that - I swear on spear and feathers, I swear on Tribe and Temple, I swear on all our nameless Goddesses. She can call us 'not-mates' if it makes her wary heart beat easier, but Ah-Lanah is mine and a whole tribe of 'Joshes' couldn't take her from me. I just need her to know it, too.
***
This last night is a restful one for me despite not sleeping deeply. Ah-Lanah was in my arms, and it dulled the ache of my heart-stars to have her there. All night, she had snuggled into me while she slept, even trying to burrow closer at times, making me grin into the dawning rays of morning like a male who has had one too many blows to the head.
The lands are shrouded in that rich after-rains scent when Ah-Lanah wakes. She looks adorably confused at first, before she rubs the sleep from her eyes with the heels of her little human hands, and gifts me with a sleepy smile. "Hello," she says softly, laying her head back down on my arm.
