I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.
... and I'm living on a primitive alien planet.
I had been holding out hope those disgusting leaves I'd tried chewing had done... something. I'd clung to the idea that my period was late because of stress.
But feeling sick too?
I can't hide from this any more than these bird-guys can hide from their own damn tails.
I'm not freaking out - that's one positive. Maybe a part of me - deep down - has been mentally processing this possibility and I'm not going into total meltdown like I thought I might?
Serena smiles at me from across our seated circle. It's just us human girls and some of us are lounging, some of us are trying to sew hides together for clothing, and some are laid out with their arms slung over their faces, trying to block out the two suns while they suffer what looks like a hangover from hell. I don't know which fermented Trixikka drink they drowned in last night, but I plan on avoiding it.
My handalmostgoes to my stomach, becauseduh,Alana. You can't drink, when you're pregnant, dummy.
Serena's still holding my gaze, a question in her eyes.
I know what that question is, and this morning, I got an almost definite answer for it.
But even though I'm not freaking out. Even though I maybeshould befreaking out. I find I don't want to talk to anyone about it yet. Talking makes it too real for me to deal with right now. So I send her a pleasant smile right back. She'll probably be the first to know anyway - when I'm ready. When the noise in my head is quiet, and when I've gotten thoroughly used to the idea. Not before.
Chastity groans and rolls onto her side. "What did they put in thatdrink?!"
Skye grunts but doesn't move or open her eyes. "I don't know but it feels like a tiny evil squirrel somehow made its way into my skull and is trying to claw its way back out again," she complains.
Serena, Tessa, Bea and I all blink at one another. "Why a squirrel?" Gwen asks, nose scrunched adorably.
"I don't know," Skye whines. "It just feels-" she pauses, making little digging paw movements with her hands and a sucking buck-tooth expression with her mouth, "-it just feels squirrelly."
"She's right," Chastity moans, rolling onto her back and pointing blindly at Skye. "Definitely feels like an evil squirrel."
That gains a round of chuckles that peters out slowly, naturally. Some of the girls continue with small-talk. The ones in hangover-hell remain quiet. One of this planet's suns is high overhead, beating down on us here at the foot of the mountain. I'm acting like I'm part of whatever conversation it is Serena and Tessa are having, but my mind is far, far away. Every now and again, I'll nod, or smile if it seems like the right time for one, but I have no idea what the hell I'm nodding and smiling along to.
My brain feels like scrambled eggs with so many thoughts whisked together until none of them make any kind of sense. Then, the thought of scrambled eggs makes me feel queasy and one particular thought rises to the top again.
"Hey, how many weeks have we been here now?" I ask no-one in particular.
The conversation stops and I guess I kind of blurted out my question right in the middle of things. I avoid looking at Serena, even though I can feel that heavy gaze of concern coming from her. Instead, I twist to look at Tessa. "Like, if you had to guess? How long do you think it's been since we were last on earth?"
"Uh..." her eyes flit between mine before she scrunched her nose and tries to think. "I don't know, maybe... two months? One and a half? I've kind of lost count." Tessa ends her words on a chuckle but sobers when I don't automatically join in. "Why?"
"No reason," I shrug, forcing a bright smile on my face even though I feel like I could barf any moment now.
One-and-a-half to two months? I try not to look down at my stomach.I will not try to work out how far along I am. That seems like making it even more real. Which is a stupid thought anyway - it's either real or it's not real. Get a grip, Alana.
I huff to myself, frustrated. I could tell the girls. I could blurt it out right here, right now and I know they'd all be supportive. But I don't feel ready.
I'm still scared, and I feel more than a little stupid for being so reckless back on Earth with Josh. Especially now I know the dumbass-fool's real character - running around with other girls while I worked my ass off building a career. But what a dumbass-foolIwas for falling for his lies?! I mean, what was it? Was he trying to lock me down because I brought in good money? Or was he just trying to disrupt my career because by comparison, he was in a deadend job?
From the corner of my eye, I see movement by a hut on the far side. Mavyx stands there, shoulder braced on a wall while he watches us. Watchesmein particular.
You could ask the impossible of me, Ah-Lanah, and I would try. If it meant you were no longer scared, I would try anything.
Mav's sweet words. But can I trust them?
Josh had said sweet words to me the night before I caught him with another girl's skirt flipped up over her hips. And now, here I am stranded on a primative jungle planet pregnant with his baby while he's probably still fucking that-
A flash of buttercup yellow enters my mind. I've never hated a color so damn much.
