My eyes sting with tears again. I wipe at them furiously, refusing to give in and start weeping for something I can't change.
I can feel unease radiating off of Mavyx beside me. His wing shifts behind us both, curling around my shoulder but careful not to touch me. I look to his wing-tip on one side of me and then turn to look at him on the other. The muscle in his jaw jumps as he scans my face like he's preparing for me to push his offer of comfort away. He looks so unsure, but I can see he wants to help - wants to comfort me. And even if it's coming from feelings he doesn't want - feelings from his 'problem', selfishly, I want to be comforted by Mavyx right now. Slowly, I lean into him, resting my head on his arm - his frame too large for me to reach his shoulder.
He stiffens a little, skin-stars bursting out all over the place from the contact before the tension in him melts and he starts breathing again. "I do not know what it is like," he says after a while, his voice quiet, careful. "Having a mother."
"... no, I suppose you don't... none of you do."
"Will you tell me of it?"
His request is so sweet and sincere, I have no choice but to try. It's a complicated thing to try and explain though;mothers. I try my best. "A mother's love for you is meant to be the fiercest, most enduring, forgiving love a person ever experiences," I start. "Your mom is-" how to explain it? "Shemadeyou. She birthed you. She was there when you took your first breath, your first step, your first day of school. All your struggles are her struggles too. All your successes, all your happiness-" I pause, thinking. "The good ones? The ones trying their hardest for their kids? Their love is like magic... I had one of those."
I talk of my own relationship with my mom; how she was and still is my role-model. I talk of how not all women evenwantto be moms, how it seems like it might be the hardest job in the world and there's some women who straight-up shouldn't be trying to raise kids. Of how most moms I knew were just trying so damn hard to do their best. Briefly, I wonder what kind of mom I might be on this primitive planet, but brush the thought away quickly, not willing to mentally wander down that avenue.
He listens silently and somewhere along my rambling his tail has wrapped itself around my ankle, but I find I don't mind it. I'm sleepy when I finish talking, but I don't want the conversation to end.
"What about you? What about your dad?"
He's quiet for a time, his arm moving beneath my head with the expansion of his chest as he pulls in a large breath. "My father was a great warrior - a fierce Protector known in the tribe for his skill and deadly aim with a spear. I... I did not know him well as a youngling. He was killed protecting the village when a large band of mimykah made an attack. I was raised by many caregivers while he protected our tribe and Temple and then... he was gone. I did not feel any particular closeness to any of my caregivers. They were all good males but, there were so many of them and-" he sighs. "It is the way of my people for many of our younglings. Our mothers are part of the Temple and that is where they stay. Some fathers choose to remain as Protectors, giving their sons to the Elders and caregivers to raise in their stead."
That sounds kind of sad, I think, but neither of us say anything and I'm still marvelling at how comfortable I feel leaning on him like this - using his arm as a pillow and turning into him slightly, leaning my legs on his, when he says, "having a mother like yours sounds like a very special privilege to me, Ah-Lanah. I can understand why her loss affects you."
"Thank you," I say quietly, snuggling down against Mavyx's warm body, his soft wing enveloping me in a strange but pleasant embrace. It feels like I'm being held by the very night itself - his dark feathers the perfect backdrop for his twinkling stars.
"... is there anything else you are troubled by?" Mavyx asks, his voice strained as though he fears the answer or perhaps doesn't really want to be asking the question.
I consider lying but my voice betrays me. "...yes."
He doesn't immediately enquire further, only tightens the coil of his tail around my ankle for a beat or two like a comforting hug. "What... what would a mother say in this moment to help you?"
I snort sleepily and close my eyes. "My mom would probably call me a stubborn, foolish child and tell me to stop burying my head in the sand."
I feel Mavyx tense. "Do not do that, my Ah-Lanah. You will not be able to breathe."
The fit of sleepy giggles that bursts out of me has me turning my face into Mav's arm and even as he raises it to peer down at me while I laugh, I find myself unable to stop snuggling closer into his side. "It's a human figure of speech," I manage to say once I've stopped laughing. "It means ignoring what's really going on."
Mavyx's arm lowers onto my side, securing me to him, the weight of it comforting and pleasant. It's so warm and lovely to be embraced. I'd forgotten how nice it is to be held and to feel safe in someone else's arms. I barely even notice my cheek is pressed to Mav's frantically pulsing heart-stars, everything about this just feels so damn good.
I'm beyond tired, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I allow myself to succumb to that extreme tiredness, letting it drag me under into a comfortable, light feeling, floating away like a fire’s ember caught on an upwind.
I swear I hear Mavyx, though. It sounds like he says something.
"And whatisreally going on, my star?" I hear in his voice. But maybe I dreamt it.
CHAPTER 10: MAVYX
I have never before had such an uncomfortable night and yet been so glad of it. Perhaps I tell a lie; there have been ranging nights in the jungle and nights of pain after hard battle that were more uncomfortable and I would not wish to repeat those if not necessary, but this night? I would have all my nights this way; with Ah-Lanah leaning on me so that I dare not move. I would have it for every night of my existence if I could. At some point, she had slipped down my body and wriggled her head into my lap, making herself comfortable while I tried desperately not to grow hard beneath her cheek. It is an impossible task and I eventually surrender myself to it. This female is capable of being the death of me even in her sleep, it seems.
The feast finally ends when the second moon is in it's fullness, and there are Trixikka trickling their way back to their huts around me. Some stop to stare at the sleeping female in my lap and I give them my best, fearsome Second Spear glare. They move on quickly when they notice my expression, but I suppose seeing their commander's body being utilized as a nest is an unexpected sight indeed.
That was a good while ago now, and the first of the twin suns is starting to threaten the horizon with its light. I find that as uncomfortable as I am in this position, I do not want the night’s end just yet.
There are not too many dwelling huts in this area of the village, most being weapon and food stores. I chose to claim a hut of my own here for that very reason, and perhaps, I selfishly began to build my Ah-Lanah's hut here too, so that she is one of the few neighbors I will have.
It is amusing to me that she thought building her a space of her own would be a punishment set by my High Spear. Rynn was angry with me, this is true - he'd had that look in his eye when I'd landed. The one that spoke of how he wanted to rip the wings off my back for my actions. But he could see the value in my idea once I'd explained myself.
He was not overly fond of the execution of it, though. Perhaps I should have waited to speak it over with him, but as soon as the thought struck my mind, my feathers had itched to take flight and set things in motion. He had been surprised to learn that some of our females are unsettled still. He and his mate, High Spearess Serena had shared a look that communicated so much more than a single glance should have. It had made me feel like a fool to stand there and not know of what they are silently telling each other. Do they know why my Ah-Lanah is scared? Do they know of Chaz-Titi and why she apparently ventures into the jungle to weep?
These things trouble me, and once I had explained the reasons for my visit to Zarriko's tribe, Rynn's anger with me lessened. He only needed to glance at his own mate, and I could tell he was thinking he would doanythingto save her from upset also. Even beg forgiveness from another High Spear.
