“Good morning, gorgeous. Did you sleep well? Sorry I kept you up so late on the phone.” Okay, so we were talking on the phone as well, like Noah said.
“You should have seen the crazy-ass cyst I removed from this guy’s femur today. You would have loved all the extra pus.” She sent me back heart emojis. What other girl could I ever joke around with about this kind of stuff humor? Who enjoyed my warped sense of humor?
Not Billie runs through my mind.
“Send me a picture of you.”
She sent me a picture, blowing me a kiss. She’s so damn gorgeous.
“What are you wearing?”
She sent me a picture of her in her red lace bra, but only the back of it, not the front.Fuck, that’s hot.
“Did you get home safely?” When she wrote back yes, I told her I was FaceTiming her.
“Club D sucked. I kept wishing you were here with me. When I get to Chicago, I’m taking you out.” I was making long-term plans with her.
“Can you send me Vivian’s number so I can view apartments when I’m there? Do you want to come with me, so I don’t end up in a crappy bachelor pad you hate to stay over in?” She teased me about being presumptuous, and I told her all the ways I would make her cum when I saw her next.
“You’re getting extra dessert for paying over three grand for me.” I still can’t believe she paid that much money so another girl didn’t get a date with me. And she did it over the phone.
“You should come to New York and surprise me.” That was the night before she flew out to New York and surprised me.
“I miss you.” I lost track of the number of times I had texted her that. And I had only been with her one night when I started sending her those messages.
There is no way I would have ever sent all these messages unless I was head over heels for this girl. And I understand why from all her messages.
No wonder she’s heartbroken. I destroyed her. I destroyed us.
I save several pictures she sent me to me and realize I already had saved them. I just hadn’t opened the gallery on my phone since the accident.
Staring at her picture, I see the lips and hair that have been in my dreams all these months. It’s complete now. There is no more faceless woman. And damn if she isn’t the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.
Guilt crashes through me as Billie’s image pops up in my mind. I throw my phone on the bed and put my hands over my face, trying to remember anything new, but nothing comes. It’s the same memories as always.
Billie’s face, clear in my mind as she laughs and kisses me.
Noah wouldn’t lie to me, and if he says Billie and I split and weren’t happy, then we must not have been, but I can’t understand or accept it until I remember it.
But now I also have Charlotte’s face popping up. Her tear-filled eyes are ripping my heart out, and the picture she sent smiling and blowing me a kiss is rotating in my mind.
Rationality tells me I shouldn’t feel guilty about thinking about Charlotte instead of Billie, but it’s a tug-of-war in my mind.
Did I really fall out of love with Billie? I still can’t fathom it. But do I love two women, even if I only was with one a very short time.
Is it possible to love two people at once?
It’s past ten now, and I have to be at the hospital at four in the morning for surgery. I should go to sleep. Instead, I pull up Charlotte’s number.
I text her. “Are you awake?”
I wait, about to assume she’s asleep when I finally get a reply. “Yes.”
Without thinking, I hit the FaceTime button.
Xander, what are you doing?
It rings and rings, and I think it is about to stop ringing when she picks up. She is silent
