Seemed like a bad strategy to lie to your social media manager about a key element in your life. I mean, I was letting my coworkers and boss think I was dating Noah, but my column wasn’t my personal brand. Not like how Noah’s social media was all about him.
I wanted to ask Noah what this meant for us. Were we just going to continue doing the same old deal of posting a photo of us together once a week for two more weeks, then shake hands, and saysee you later?
If we didn’t have the presence of more than a million people looming over our heads and rushing to comment their thoughts on our relationship, maybe it’d be a little easier. But it was one thing to present yourself to an online audience and another to someone you cared about in reality.
“He’d probably yell and throw something at me if he did know,” said Noah. He finished posting the photos and dropped his phone onto the coffee table.
“Throw something? Are you in an abusive relationship with your manager, Noah?”
“Ha. No. He usually picks something soft to throw at me, don’t worry.”
“Like a sock?”
“That, or something easily found in his kitchen, like a bell pepper.”
“Speaking of, thanks for making breakfast.” I set my empty plate onto the coffee table. “I actually can’t stay too late. I told Kira I’d help her bring some art supplies home.”
“You’re sure you’re feeling better?” Noah asked as I gathered my purse and slipped on my shoes.
“Oh, yeah, just like new.”
“Don’t forget what I said about the inhaler.” Noah pulled me into a goodbye hug. I could have sworn I felt his lips on my hair. “Let me take care of you, please.”
“Only if you let me do the same.”
He snorted into my hair. “You’ve been doing it for weeks.”
Unconsciously, maybe. We took care of each other. I leaned into Noah’s chest and breathed easier than I had all morning.
21
NOAH
Time was a human construct, but I had never felt the constrictions around me as much as I did now. May 15 loomed in the near distance. Two weeks, to be precise. And I was in the exact same place as I was when Macey and I struck the deal—confused and lost.
The one thing that had changed? Now I had something to lose.
Someoneto lose.
We were on our second to last fake date this evening at a pop-up photography exhibit. I had spotted it the other day on the way home from the gym. Sometimes, our pre-planned outings were brief: a quick coffee break in a popular coffee shop, a walk through the park, or lunch at the newest café.
Today, I wanted to take Macey somewhere I knew she’d like.
And yes, I was well-aware this was real-boyfriend behavior, but I didn’t need to expand on the psychology behind the decision. We had already started crossing the line anyway. Tonight would be the night I said something about the real feelings that had been boiling inside me. For better or worse, she deserved to know the truth. Even if I was terrified about how she’d respond.
Was it fair for me to even ask Macey to take a chance on someone so unstable, who had no idea what he was doing in life? What she needed was dependability and stability. I wasn’t sure if I was in a place where my life included those things, no matter how much I wanted them.
Still, I wanted that chance. Wanted the opportunity to turn myself into a better version of myself, one that was worthy of her. I just wasn’t sure how.
Soft, ambient music played as we filtered through the exhibit. The space was an eclectic mix of industrial and chic, with exposed brick walls and concrete floors juxtaposed against elegant drapery and plush seating areas. Spotlights illuminated the photographs, making them stand out vividly against the muted backdrop of the gallery walls.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” Macey said as she stared straight ahead at a jungle landscape photo.
“You’re welcome,” I said, feeling pleased. Then I explained my reasons for selecting this date. “I thought it would be a good place to get photos for your blog.”
“Thanks.” She sounded pleasantly surprised. “I’ve pretty much stopped trying to get Victoria to consider my photos for articles, which, by the way, are still performing amazing. My blog viewership has slowly been increasing, too.”
“I know,” I commented. “I check every so often.”
