I spent so much time thinking about setting up this date and getting everything ready that I never considered what to talk about. Not that I ever needed to think about stuff like that before.
This was awkward. Was Macey feeling as awkward as I was right now?
Think, Noah, think.What should we talk about?
University? No, I didn’t want to make it seem like I was bragging.
Her blog? Maybe. I wanted to know more about it.
Our expectations? I didn’t even know how to bring that up without sounding like a weirdo.
“I’m glad some things don’t change,” Macey suddenly said, setting the can down onto the blanket.
“Huh?” I frowned, unsure if I understood. Was she talking about us? I thought we were on the same page that we didn’t want things to stay the same. Things were different now, which I appreciated.
“In front of your fans, you’re this super cool dude,” she continued, her voice light and teasing, “but in front of me, you’re still a nervous wreck.”
My jaw dropped. “I’m not a nervous wreck! I told you. I got over the minuscule nerves I had around you.”
She stretched out her legs, crossing one ankle over the other,a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “So that wasn’t you mentally debating topics of conversation before speaking?”
How the hell did she do that?
“No.”
Her gaze didn’t waver, her eyes locking onto mine with that familiar knowing look. I could feel the weight of it, like she was waiting for me to crack.
And, of course, I did. It only took about as long as it took me to break into the box of croissants.
“Fine,” I muttered, finally giving in, “maybe I was a little nervous. Only because I don’t want to screw this up.”
I dropped a croissant onto a napkin and handed it to her. As I waited for her response, I shoved half of my croissant into my mouth. How did I go so long without eating croissants? Maybe I focused too much on egg whites and protein in the morning. Were these buttery pastries the key to true happiness?
“You’re not going to screw it up.” Macey ripped off a small piece of the croissant and chewed it gently.
“I’m not sure about that.”
“Why do you think so?”
Needing more time to answer, I finished off the rest of the croissant and dreamed about having babies with it.
I picked at the edge of the wicker basket. “I’ve never had to worry about keeping someone close to me before. I mean, I have Daphne and Nathan, but they’re family, so they’re trapped with me. Everyone else usually had a motive for wanting to spend time with me. So I learned it was best to keep everyone at a distance.”
“You said you think about people like Instagram followers. They’ll either leave or come to dislike you.” She folded the napkin in her lap. “Do you still think that?”
That had been my philosophy for so long, but it soundedwrong now. “I’m not sure. I mean, look at some of the shit people have said about you online.”
Macey shook her head. “I’m not talking about those anonymous online jerks. We’ll never figure out who they are, and they don’t matter. I’m talking about the people around you, for real.”
I thought about it. Really, truly thought it over in a way I hadn’t before. Was it fair of me to think about people in that way? People like Macey, Daphne, and Nathan had proved that some people do stick around. That they’re capable of seeing through all the bullshit you put out there and still love you anyways.
“Yes,” I said and watched her eyes fill with disappointment.
Before she could turn away, I put my forefinger under her chin and lifted her eyes to meet mine. “But I’ll add a third option. Some people will stick by you, too, even when you say something stupid or post a horrible sushi photo.”
She cracked a smile.
“I like you, Macey, almost as much as I love you. I’m frantically trying to figure out how to get you not to leave.”
