When I try to slide out of the seat, the seatbelt that I’m still wearing stops me, and I think my entire body flushes as I turn back toward him but avoid his eyes. I don’t want him to see the tears that have already started to fill mine.
His hand is already on the locking mechanism as I turn, and he pushes the button to release the belt. All I can manage is a softly whispered, “Thanks.” I don’t think he heard my voice shaking.
The rumble of the truck engine is behind me as I jog up the porch steps and open the front door. Pressing my back against the wall next to the door, tears on my cheeks, I hear the idle of the engine for almost a full minute before he puts it in gear and leaves.
18
TUCKER
WHAT. THE. Fuck.
The sun isn’t even shining around the blinds in my window yet, but keeping my focus on the ceiling fan blades moving in a constant circle is helping my heart to calm the fuck down.
I’ve been having the same dream for months, every single time, Mathews is next to me on the floor of that helo, staring at me with no life in his eyes. Almost as if he’s accusing me of making him go into that house first, waking me up in a cold sweat.
This time, for the first time, it was different, and it nearly gave me a heart attack. Instead of Mathews looking at me, it was Nora. Except there was fear in those beautiful green eyes. Of what? I don’t know.
Panic and rage sent me upright in bed, pulling me from my dream, instead of the guilt I usually feel when it’s Mathews looking at me. This is probably because I watched that little prick point a gun at her last night. I pulled on my training to be calm and handle the situation with a clear head, but underneath that I was worried something might happen to her, and it took all my willpower to keep a level head.
I’ve thought over every moment of last night down to the second and, for the life of me, I don’t know what the fuckhappened. One minute she was receptive to me and happy I asked her to lunch, then the next minute she’s all over the place and can’t wait to get away from me.
She was babbling. I’ve learned she does that when she’s nervous, and then I saw her twisting the little ring on her finger. She was nervous about something, but the only thing I could pin it on was the aftermath of the robbery.
And, I’m not certain, but I think there were tears in her eyes when she got out of the truck.
Maybe I need to give her space. I can do that, but I don’t think I can do it for long. I’m not even sure that’s what I should do; part of me wants to press the issue. But she doesn’t owe me anything.
Goddamn it.
What the fuck happened?
I almost turned off the truck and went into Allison’s last night to ask her, but I didn’t want to push. Was she still in a panic because of the attempted robbery? It’s normal for a person to panic if they’re not used to that type of situation, but it almost felt like there was more to it than that.
After Callum told me I had the job if I wanted it, her demeanor seemed to shift. Maybe my taking a job in another state was the trigger, but she pulled my hand away from her face before that outside the little break room.
Trying to guess is driving me fucking mad. That’s why I wanted to have lunch today; I want to get to know her. Why is she here? Is she just passing through? To where? Would she stay if she had a reason to?
How can we explore this attraction if she doesn’t stay? Is her attraction to me strong enough to extend her time here?
I remember when I didn’t give two shits about any of the women I bagged, back when life was easy. Good times.
Fuck me!
Throwing my covers off, I put on some exercise clothes to go to the barn. If I’m not going to sleep, at least I can get my workout in early. Grabbing my phone and earbuds, I quietly slip out of the house.
A couple of hours later, I’m sweaty and out of breath as I sit on a stack of hay bales in the barn. One of the cool things about living on a working ranch is all the different ways to get in a hell of a workout with what’s in the barn.
The sky is turning light gray, and I start the walk back up to the house. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I look to see it’s the documents Callum said he would send me, the job description, a dozen contract agreements, salary — which is a fuck-ton more than I made in the military, non-disclosure agreements, stipends for living arrangements.
Because the pilot needs to be close to the birds, it would require me to live in Tennessee. Mason and Jax can get away with staying home because Callum always sends their pilot to pick them up. I wouldn’t have that luxury.
The only thing holding me back from signing up right now is Nora. I barely fucking know the woman, she obviously let me know last night that she’s not interested in getting close, but something is holding me back. I need to know what that is before I move in any direction that would put more distance between us.
It pisses me off.
After going back to my room to get cleaned up and changed, I follow the smell of bacon and eggs. I step into a fully occupied kitchen complete with five different conversations and laughing children. But I’m in no mood to be social.
The kitchen island already has biscuits and bacon set out, and I make a beeline through the people to get what I want so I can go out to the stables.
